When I was 13 years old I lived in a "group" all by myself. I attended gatherings of people, but I was too insecure to feel like I was part of the group. It wasn't really anyone's fault, I just had higher expectations of myself that I never seemed to meet, therefore, I didn't feel qualified to be one of them.
Later I joined an amazing group of people and I did feel like I fit in. I became a believer and follower of Jesus Christ. I was welcomed with forgiveness, grace, and love. Over time I realized that none of them were perfect so I learned how to grant grace to them as well as myself.
Next I became a wife and a mother. I didn't give myself much slack in that group. I read every book I came across that might be helpful. I took a lot of courses and unfortunately, I thought I could be perfect as long as I did everything "right."
Interestingly, the group that changed me the most was when I became an educator. You cannot understand how to be an effective teacher unless you understand how to be an effective student. Let me tell you, five-year-olds will give you perspective faster than anyone. For a while, I was asked on a daily basis if I had a baby in my tummy...that is until they knew I was too old. Many times I was told I had bad breath so I made sure to use mouthwash. They also had other perspectives. I was told that I was "always appropriate" and was beautiful and had beautiful clothes. Those perspectives are not so true but in their minds, they were. I was able to belong and learn from both my students and my fellow teachers.
For the last five years, I have hung out with another group of people, writers. I will never forget my first exposure to them. I left with the impression that they are brilliant, but usually had their head in the clouds. No offense to them, but I find myself with my head in the clouds more often than not. I am usually thinking about the next book or even the one after the next book!
I realize that I only know a small sampling of writers, but each time one of them has released a book, they have had a hard time letting go of it. It is hard to put your heart on paper and hand it to the world. You never know how people are receiving it. You don't know if your words made them mad or ministered to them. You can never even take the words back and that is scary!
It is also hard to make your work known. I can't speak for all writers, but many of us present our words with humility. First of all, we are not the writers of our story, we are merely the editors that make a few changes here and there. God is the writer of our story so He deserves the praise.
With all that said, I humbly share my words with you. Hopefully you will be able to see the losses as well as the wins. There have been times of pain, as well as great times of joy. I have read many autobiographies and personal stories over the years and even the people with vastly different views than mine have taught me something.
I am not a brilliant writer and yes, my head is often in the clouds. I tried to write my book in such a way that you will can read it quickly and you will feel like we had a cup of coffee together and shared a few stories. Some people love relationships through technology (chat rooms, tweeting, texting, etc.). I love relationships founded on words with meaning evolved from experience.
I would love to share my story with you over a cup of coffee.
Blessings,
Deana
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