Today has been an exciting day as we launched, 

"A Grandmother to Remember."  

What I love the most is hearing people share stories about their grandmothers and the impact they had on their lives.

Whether you are about to be a first-time grandmother or you are well seasoned, this book will give you ideas for leaving an imprint that will last for generations.  

Books are now available on Amazon!

https://www.amazon.com/Grandmother-Remember-Deana-Boggess/dp/0999420828/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1544489567&sr=8-1&keywords=a+grandmother+to+remember+by+deana+boggess

7 More Days!

2 shipments of books will arrive TODAY!

7 more days until the official launch of...

This book is for a very special group of women—grandmothers. If you are about to embark on the wonderful adventure of grandmothering, consider this book your guide to being intentional about leaving a meaningful imprint on the lives of your grandchildren. If you’re already a grandmother, this book offers ideas for creating memories with your grandchildren, sharing your faith, and leaving an imprint that will last for generations.

A Grandmother to Remember is the perfect gift for a grandmother-to-be and would be an ideal selection for a grandmother book club. The Questions for the Grandmother will prompt meaningful discussion, and the Making Memories sections will jump- start the fun.

December 10 is our official launch date.  

Buy one for the grandmothers on your Christmas list!

Books may be purchased on Amazon and Barnes&Noble!

If you are local, I have some at my home.

Teachers Judged With Greater Strictness, Reason II

As teachers, not only are we going to leave lasting imprints on our students, but we are representing Jesus Christ.  We cannot forget that many of the students entrusted to us have never heard the name of Jesus.  We are ambassadors for Christ.

And Jesus came and said to them, 

“All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.”

Matthew 28:18-20 ESV

You are a chosen people.  You are royal priests, a holy nation, God’s very own possession.  As a result, you can show the goodness of God, for he called you out of the darkness into his wonderful light.  I Peter 2:9

Out of the 165 students I had at FFP, one of my favorites things said about me by a student was, “I love when she plays with God.”  My other favorite is, “Mrs. Boggess is always appropriate.”  If they knew me very well they would know that is not true but I am glad he thinks so.  I would love it if my students saw me as appropriate in my relationship with God because then I am taking my role as ambassador seriously.  At the same time, I want them to see me playing with God because that means I enjoy Him.

Yes, teachers are held to a greater strictness but what an honor!

Teachers Judged With Greater Stictness

 In James 3:1 it says,

Not many of you should become teachers, my brothers, for you know that we who teach will be judged with greater strictness.  

But why are we held to a greater strictness?  I think there are three main reasons.  Today I will talk about the first one.

Lasting Imprints, Good or Bad

For a long time it scared me that teachers would be judged with greater strictness.  I felt like I barely had a prayer as it was.  Now I look at that verse with an understanding of what a powerful statement that is.  Teachers will be judged with a greater strictness because we have the potential of tremendous impact.  Teachers are shaping a generation of kids and giving kids their first impression of education, of teachers, and of themselves.  Teachers have the ability to impact students and how they see themselves and their abilities.  

I remember someone sharing a confession with me one day.  He had a patient that told him she was a preschool teacher.  

He said, “To be honest, I wasn't impressed.”  

I said, “Oh it isn't as prestigious as a high school teacher or a college professor?”  

He said, “Right, but then I realized how much more important the preschool teacher is because everything in high school and college is dependent on the preschool or kindergarten teacher.  They teach them the skills they need to learn everything else.”  Of course, I agreed with him.  Teachers are judged with greater strictness because they have great impact!

I had been tutoring a former student over the summer.  I think it was already an adjustment for him to come into my home, meet my husband and see pictures of my children and grandchildren all over the walls.  He was kind of nervous the first time he came over.  After our first session his mom texted me to let me know how he felt about our time together.  His response was, “I wish she could be my grandmother!”  At first, I was taken aback.  To be honest it made me feel old that that was what he shared, but then I was flattered.  I would be honored to be his grandmother!  Then a few weeks later I sort of blew it!

Every week Noah and I each brought a word to start off our session.  It could be a word that we thought was interesting or funny or taught us something new.  Well, on that particular day he didn’t have a word so I said, “You know you can play with words, too.”  He gave me a confused look.  

I told him that when I was young one of my aunts used to always say, “You have freckles on you, but you're pretty” or you could say, “You have freckles on your butt, you're pretty.”  As soon as it came out of my mouth, I knew I shouldn’t have said it!  I grew up thinking it was funny.  My grandchildren think it is hilarious but this little guy looked at me like, I can’t believe Mrs. Boggess just said that!

When his mom came to the door, I sent my student on to the car and I said, “I have a confession to make to you.  I think of Noah as one of my grandchildren and I crossed a line today.  I shared what had happened and the look that was on his face and she busted up laughing.  She hugged me and said, “You are so ok!” and then she laughed some more.

In the whole scheme of things, that was nothing but it reminded me of the impression I can make and how careful I have to be.  I will make lastly imprints no matter what so I need to make sure they are good ones.  One of my favorite verses is, 

Remember those who led you

who spoke the word of God to you;

and considering the result of their conduct, 

imitate their faith.

Hebrews 13:7 (NASB)

My faith needs to be worthy of being imitated.  I try to remember that when I walk into a classroom, when I talk on the phone to my daughters and when I spend time with my grandchildren.  Is my faith worthy of being imitated?

In Luke 6:40, we are reminded of our responsibility,

A disciple is not above his teacher, 

but everyone when he is fully trained will be like his teacher.

I have to ask myself, "Do I want my students to be like me?"  This strictness I am held to is an honor and an honor I take seriously.

The Final Goodbye

We said goodbye when Mom no longer could understand driving, money, or how to get out of her apartment.  We said goodbye when she left adulthood, young adulthood, the teenage years and  even childhood.  We said goodbye when she no longer knew us or the grandchildren or the great-grandchildren.  We have said many goodbyes as we have walked the road of dementia with my mother-in-law but this last goodbye leaves me speechless.

Over the last twelve years we have been called to run to Mom's bedside to say goodbye but she remained strong.  For a number of years we made certain decisions based on being afraid to leave town because we wanted to be there for her if she passed.  After three years of end stage dementia, the time has now come and it just doesn't seem real.

When my father-in-law died suddenly in a car accident, the emotions were overwhelming.  When my father died nine days after a diagnosis of cancer, I didn't think I would ever stop crying or feel "normal" again.  This loss is different and hard to work through the feelings.  It feels like Mom passed away three years ago and we went to the funeral home several days a week to make preparations and it is only now that we can have her memorial.  She was in a fetal position, weighing between 65 and 70 pounds for the last three years, unable to speak.  

It will take me weeks, months or possibly years to process this goodbye.  I have not cried as much as I thought I would but my stomach is all in knots.  I am glad she is no longer suffering but I sure will miss her presence on this earth and in our lives.  She added so much love and laughter.

Bill and I have been through a number of scenarios with aging parents and loss.  Each of them have been hard in different ways.  We will be teaching our course, "Aging Parents and Loss" at the end of October and early November at our church.  We look forward to sharing the things we have learned along the way and the opportunity to come alongside others walking the same road.  There are many sorrows to walk through but many joys to embrace.  If you are on this journey and need someone to listen, feel free to reach out to us at gracewithoutmargins@aol.com.

The Love Chair

Doodling has been part of my life for many years and when a good friend of mine introduced me to Zentangling, I was ecstatic!  It added sophistication to my otherwise random drawings.  Doodling and Zentangling help me to stay focused, pay attention, and enjoy sitting still.

As I looked for ideas on the internet, I came across shoes, dresses and even furniture that had a variety of writings and drawings on them.  I bought a simple cloth chair and had family and friends draw and write wedding blessings on it for my daughter.  And a few years later I bought a chair for our grandchildren.

I want our grandchildren to feel like their artwork, their letters, and their thoughts are masterpieces in our home.  I have a wall of tiles painted by our grandchildren, accompanied by a 6" x 4" piece of cardboard carefully painted by my two-year-old grandson.  And in the library, resides my sweet Love Chair.  The back of it is covered with drawings and handprints from our grandchildren, as well as examples of English and Spanish by my oldest grandson.  The front of the chair is currently being designed with famous quotes and a beautiful mosaic.  You will probably never see this work of art in a museum or fine arts store, but it will always have a place of honor in our home.

There are hundreds of ways to include people and honor their creativity and talents.  As my grandchildren look back on the memories memorialized on The Love Chair, may they feel empowered to share their creativity with the world.

I Don't Know, Have You Figured It Out?

It seems that the older I get, the less I know and the more willing I am to admit it!  Today I had some time to kill so I went to the school where I taught for many years.  As I sat in the teacher workroom cutting out laminating projects, I was able to share life with a group of ladies I greatly respect, ranging in age from 35 to 58.  We are all at different places in life and I love it!

What intrigues me about women is that we often think another age group has it made.  In our teens, we think the twenty-year-olds have it made.  In our thirties we think the forty-year olds have it made and on up the ladder until society puts that admiration to a stop and we are just perceived as old.

I want to let you in on a little secret, there is no "golden age."  Every stage of life has its challenges and its blessings.  There is no magic formula to follow.  We will never be able to anticipate the challenges each of our children will have or the blessings that will be bestowed on them.  We will never be able to predict how our parents will age or how we will for that matter.  It is all a journey of faith and a journey of grace.

Just as I love storytelling, I love listening to stories as well!  Every woman I meet has a story worth telling and a story worth hearing.  You may have a single mom living on one side of you and a grandmother raising her grandchildren on the other.  Both are trying to figure life out.  They need your grace just as much as you need theirs.

I have to say, I haven't figured much out but I do have a survival bag filled with some pretty great tools at this stage of life.  I can share them, I can lend them and I can borrow some from you.  Life is a constant blend of challenges and blessings.  

As women we need to...

 Share together.  Dream together.  Cry together
Laugh together. Pray together.

The truth is, none of us really have it figured out, but walking the journey together makes the challenges a little easier and the blessings even greater.

Let Me Introduce You to Marti

Fortunately for me, I have had numerous mentors and super heroes cross my path over the years and I am so grateful for the skills they have taught me.  One of my mentors has been Marti Smith.  

A number of years ago I was blessed to have each of her children in my classroom.  Hopefully they learned a few things while being in my classroom but the lessons I have learned from their sweet momma have been invaluable.

Marti Smith, OTR/L is an amazing occupational therapist and Fellow for Child Trauma Academy.  She is able to assess a child's needs so quickly.  Her love, compassion, knowledge and experience offer support not only to the child, but the entire family.  Visit her website, www.creativetherapies.com.  You will find free trauma tips that can be beneficial to children from a variety of backgrounds.

Below is an interview Marti did with me on, How to Respond to People with Love and Help Them Share Their Story.  http://www.podbean.com/media/share/pb-v77iy-9050e6 and an interview with Bill on Sound and Auditory Sense.

We are so thankful for Marti, her skills and experience, and her desire to make a difference in the lives of children and their families.

A Difficult Conversation

We often say that parenting doesn't come with a manual.  It is rather amazing we mostly rely on, "On The Job Training" for parenting.  We try to absorb all we can and make the best decisions we can at the time, based on the knowledge we have.  We often feel inadequate and unprepared.  

Ironically, we often think that stage of bewilderment is over when our kids are grown, but then we move into the new stage of aging parents.  Once again we feel like there is no manual, our "on the job training" is inadequate, and we feel terribly unprepared.  The truth is, there are resources available to us.   We just have to look for them.

Over the last few years we have walked through the sudden loss of a parent, the diagnosis of cancer with a short battle, the diagnosis of vascular dementia, and the typical progression of aging with our parents.  Each situation has presented a variety of issues and challenges.  

We have also walked alongside family and friends that have faced additional challenges because financial and emotional issues had not been addressed.  For example, in some states, a spouse can be forced to sell their home because a will was not prepared.  "Squatter's Rights" can get a little tricky in some states.  It is important to know the laws of the state you live in and how to protect your family's assets.  

Make a commitment to get your affairs in order for your parents, yourself, and your children:

• Is there a will?
• Is there a living will?
• Does someone have Power of Attorney?
• Does someone have Medical Power of Attorney?
• Do you have life insurance?
• Is more than one person on all bank accounts?
• Is there a listed beneficiary for life insurance, trusts, etc.?
• Does a DNR need to be in place?
• Have you planned your funeral?
• Are all important papers in one location and does someone know where they are located?
• Have you gone through your house to minimize what a loved one will have to deal with?
• Have you kept on top of paper piles, both discarding what is not needed and filing what is essential?
• Have you made a list of what you want to be given to certain people?
• Have you written letters to close loved ones?
• Have you asked or extended forgiveness to loved ones?
• Have you established a relationship with a lawyer and an accountant to see what else might need to be prepared?

It is hard to have these conversations but it is a relief to get them behind you.  If we can help you answer any questions on aging parent issues (financial, emotional, or spiritual) please feel free to contact us at gracewithoutmargins@aol.com.

Love In The Margins

Oh course, I loved her the moment I laid eyes on her, but one of the moments when I realized how special she was occurred when she was five-years-old.  I found her in the bathtub with the shower curtain closed, reading a book, in the middle of the night.  Bethany had a tremendous love for learning and still does. She has three degrees and is working on her PhD in Epidemiology.  

I love her love for learning, but I especially love her love for people.  Bethany has never been one to enjoy the spotlight.  Most of the time you will find her in the margins looking for someone to help, someone to learn from, someone to befriend.  I know that love has been painful at times, but her desire to extend it continues to grow.

We often consider what we need to teach our children, never realizing how much they will teach us.  Bethany has taught me to challenge all of my convictions, making some of them stronger and some of them more pliable.  She has brought people to me from the margins that I may not have known otherwise and I am grateful.  She has influenced me to want to live with less and with greater gratitude.

Happy Birthday, Bethany!  

Your love and your countenance are more beautiful every year!

Much love,

Mom

The Journey Will Be Amazing!

Do you have a heart for people living in the margins?  Do you want to better understand the person affected by a disability?  We would love to share our journey with you.

In Grace Without Margins, we share our story of serving in disability ministry, but more importantly, we share the story of how our lives and our perceptions of people changed as we became friends with the people the ministry brought into our lives.  We would never be the same people because our perceptions had changed!

You can purchase, Grace Without Margins, on Amazon:

https://www.amazon.com/Grace-Without-Margins-Journey-Through/dp/0578106744/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1533264866&sr=1&keywords=grace+without+margins&dpID=413XLNbCo0L&preST=_SY344_BO1,204,203,200_QL70_&dpSrc=srch.

"Maybe there is a child that will come through the door of your church this week and you will look at them differently.  Hopefully, you will not look at them with the fears of starting a new ministry, but with a heart of compassion that simply wants to embrace them and all that God has made them to be. I promise you the journey will be amazing and you will be both changed and blessed!"

Are You Living In the Margin?

When we named our business and ministry Grace Without Margins years ago we were largely considering people with disabilities and how they were walking in the margins of our culture.  They were often walking along the edge of society and not being accepted into it.  This can be heart-breaking for the individual, as well as the friends and family that love them.

It has been encouraging to me to see the changes that have occurred in our society over the last 20 years.  There have been advancements in accessibility, accommodations, mobility, education, and employment for those living with a disability.  Sometimes it is good to take a few moments and reflect on the improvements that have been made so we can energize for the tasks that still lie ahead.

What intrigues me is to think about people who continually have to battle the margins of society and those that come in and out of the margins based on circumstances.  I think we all stumble into the margins at times.  We feel lonely, isolated, misunderstood and even rejected into the margins.  We may feel like no one understands or cares.

Think about the woman who is physically abused by her husband.

Think about the child that is sexually abused on a regular basis.

What about the person struggling with alcohol or drug addiction?

What about the friend battling a mental health issue?

What about the parent whose child committed a serious crime?

The teenager struggling with an eating disorder.

The child battling cancer.

Many challenges in life can leave us in the margins.  The beautiful part of that is, through those challenges in the margins, we can learn greater compassion and understand grace.  We may not have walked the same journey but we have a better understanding of what it feels like to be alone, to be limited by our circumstances, to feel like no one cares.  Look for those that are in the margins around you and help pull them into community.  Who knows?  It may help the margin you are living in get a little smaller.

Words - Proceed with Caution

I have had a romantic relationship with words for probably ten years now.  I collect them.  I dress them up.  I simplify them.  I take them on outings to see what it is like to be around them.  I add some.  I loose some.  I find out what works best for me.  But most of all, I think about how they affect the people around me.

I must say I fail miserably sometimes.  They often come out of my mouth way too quickly without a thought of how they will be received.

It has saddened me that we are all becoming too sensitive about words but in the last couple of years I have heard stories that have helped me understand why.  When someone finds a word soul-piercing there is usually a reason.  A reason that I would never care to experience.

I must love someone enough to look for words that give hope, that diminish the hurt and extend the possibilities.

Words -

Proceed with caution.

I have two beautiful and amazing daughters and I couldn't be more proud of them.  I consider it a tremendous privilege to be their momma.  I truly don't deserve such precious gifts.

My oldest daughter will be celebrating a birthday soon and I will share more about her in August when it is her special day.  Today is my youngest daughter's birthday and I have been reminiscing about the joy she has brought to our family all these years.

As a child Sarah was very quiet, had a great wit about her, and loved to play and imagine.  I loved watching her play with her sister and use her imagination.

As she was growing up she was often mistreated by peers and it overwhelms my heart to even think about it.  As a momma I wish I could have shielded and protected her more.  I wish I had more answers than questions as a mother.  As a young woman she endured even more trials and they, too, broke my heart.  

The storms she weathered have made her such an incredible person, however.  Sarah is the epitome of "grace without margins."  She has learned the meaning of grace and continually extends it to a variety of people.  Those that are in the margins have been gifted with a beautiful advocate that will help them out of those margins.  Sarah continually reaches out to a variety of people that have felt left out or wounded or need a voice.  I couldn't be more proud of the strength and beauty she possesses.  

Happy Birthday, Sarah!  

You are an amazing young woman.  

I love you!  Mom

Hug Somebody!

It has been a great summer so far.  I have truly enjoyed having time with each of my grandchildren.  They all bring out something different in me and help me to be a better person.  

My oldest grandson is such an encourager.   He often sees me practicing my Spanish lessons and always has an encouraging word, even if I can't roll my R's very well.  I love what he said to me yesterday, "Meme, I know why you are learning Spanish.  You don't want anyone to feel left out."  What a beautiful thing to say.  He is incredibly tender-hearted.

My oldest granddaughter wants to talk about literature with me.  We talk about all kinds of books and our love for reading.  She is my challenger.  She challenges me to read a variety of books and to expand my interests.  I love that about her.  She also has a joy about her that is contagious.

My little grandson makes me smile all day long.  I love listening to his vocabulary expand.  I love seeing the world through his eyes.  He is always full of excitement and adventure.  

And my little granddaughter is my symbol of hope and drive.  In our crazy little world these days, she reminds me to try harder to make this world a better place.  The beauty in her eyes continues to give me hope.

Being a parent, and now a grandparent, is a blessing that I never want to take for granted.  I have spent the last couple of months working on a book about grandmothers.  The words just poured out of my heart.  The book is with my editor right now and I look forward to sharing it with you soon.

In the meantime, hug your kids!  Hug your grandkids!  And if you don't have any, find some other kids to hug that need it.  This world could use a lot more hugging :)

Explaining Autism to Children

I am excited to share this great video on autism.  Summer is a great time to talk to your children about a variety of topics and have the time to discuss them.  Thankfully our children are getting the opportunity to be with children with autism but often they don't build relationships because so many questions are left unanswered.  This is a great tool to help them build relationships.


https://www.facebook.com/SPEDPH/videos/1670887129605859/?autoplay_reason=gatekeeper&video_container_type=0&video_creator_product_type=2&app_id=2392950137&live_video_guests=0

Here are some discussion questions you may want to use:

What things are you good at?
What things are difficult for you?
Isn't it great that God made us all different?
Do you know anyone in your school with autism?
Have you ever talked to him/her?
Do you have any questions?  (Don't be afraid of questions because you can research and learn together if you don't know the answer)
What could you and your classmates do to help him/her feel more comfortable and more included?

For more information you may want to visit:  https://www.facebook.com/SPEDPH/?hc_ref=ARQpjeb0dVn2ojlHMuMBchumDcTNTP2_1h3oSQOGlQDzekjxGakHfEO2ddNbD8rdkeI&fref=nf

Heroes Through All Stages of Life

What a powerful picture this is for me and I hope it will be to you...

This is my father's grave.  He passed away 15 1/2 years ago from Multiple Myeloma.  Dad served in the Korean War.  His main responsibility was to identify the dead.  Dad served in small towns in Texas during the 60's, trying to bridge the gap between the church and the acceptance of minorities.  He served in the Food For Peace program, trying to bridge the gap between resources and the poor.  He served as a teacher in the prison system, trying to bridge the gap between the opportunity for education and the incarcerated.  He served as Deputy Director of Equal Employment Opportunity Commission, trying to bridge the gap between employment and equal employment and wages for all people.  When Dad retired he tried to close the gap between exposure to church and a true walk with the Lord.  He served our country in powerful ways.

Also in this picture is my mom.  Mom tried to clear any obstacle in the way for my dad to serve in the ways he felt called to.  As a mother, Mom tried to clear any obstacle that would limit the success and opportunities for her children.  Mom served on the PTA and ran for Country Commissioner to support schools and her community.  She continued her education so she could serve in the church as a pastor and encourage people to understand what following Christ really means.  Mom served gang members with grace and she led Bible studies with women that were incarcerated.  Mom is almost 80 and continues to serve as a Stephen's Minister and continually looks for people that are in the margins in her community.  I know she struggles with what this stage of life means for her, but she is continually focused on the inclusion and support of those around her.  

When my mom saw this picture she said, "I am getting old!"  I don't see the white hair or the changes in mobility in this picture.  I see years and years of wisdom.  I see the sacrifices both of my parents made over the years.  I see the example they set for the rest of us.  The picture reminds me of all of the people they have helped out of the margins of society.

It was an honor to take Mom to Dad's grave yesterday.  I have to admit we don't go very often.  Before Dad passed he told me he didn't want me spending time there because that is not where he would be.  I do want to get back over and put new flowers in the vase but I know, and he knows, he is in my heart, all day and every day.  I often ask myself, who would Dad want me to help today and we do it together.  Mom and Dad, thank you for being such great heroes to me.

"A hero is someone who has given his or her life 

to something bigger than oneself."

– Joseph Campbell

Pray? Hope? Do something?

The last several months have been challenging for me.  Things were going so well in ministry and suddenly it felt like God unplugged me.   There were less calls...e-mails...connections.  It was a sad time for me because I care so deeply about people left in the margins, specifically those with a disability that are in the margins.  My closest friends could see my anguish but I don't know that they understood it.

I had passion.  I had commitment.  I had time.  God wanted me to be still.  As a dear friend told me, "Relax and enjoy your children and grandchildren and wait for God's timing."  Being a woman that always has a cause and a goal, that is tough.

In the last several weeks my view of who is in the margins has expanded.  Youth struggling with their sexual identity are in the margins...and so are their parents.  Youth struggling with mental illness are in the margins...and so are their parents.  Youth that, for whatever reason, have made a decision to attack their school and take the lives of their peers have been in the margins.  I cannot even fathom the feelings of their parents.  They are incredibly alone in their pain.  Please know I am not making light of those choices, they are heart-breaking, but I do think about the marginalization that got them there.

I don't know what God's plans are for me but I keep thinking about what I can do.  The situation with our schools is tragic and URGENT.  Prayer is a powerful tool.  Hope is a powerful tool as well but as my daughter has on her Facebook wall, "Hope doesn't get the job done."

My intent is not to get political or choose a side. As a country we are all heart-broken over the loss of life in our schools and the lingering fear of more.  We can pray, we can hope, but we can also do something.

I know for me, I am making a commitment to engage with people more.  Some of our high school students are so in the margins that they are never greeted, included in a group or invited anywhere.  I will never forget the young man that lived across the street.  He always had his head hanging low and was dressed in dark clothing.  I told him hello once but I never had a conversation with him.  He committed suicide.  Shame on me for never extending myself to him.  What deep regrets I have!

I am working on a plan, but in the meantime, I plan to pay more attention and reach out to those around me.  I have to educate myself a little more and meet with a few people but I will let you know how God's plan unfolds.  In the meantime, think about what you can do.  Always remember there must be grace in the margins, just as grace has been extended to each of us.

The Gift Exchange

I have been working on another book for about a year.  Hopefully I will finish it someday soon.  I share the following excerpt because it is how I feel about all children and even adults.  We have something to offer everyone in our classroom.  

Then comes the moment we have all been waiting for, the first day of school.  I have on my new outfit that I hope looks professional, yet relaxed and fun.  One-by-one 15 little personalities come into my classroom.  Some are shy and stand behind their mommas.  Some are bold and race through the classroom checking out the toys.  And some of them, well, they check me out wondering what I will be like.  Why do I have “white” hair?   And why can’t they have the same teacher they had last year?

On that special day one, though, as the kids enter my classroom I have one thought in mind, “What do they need from me?”  I will not treat them all the same because they will all need something different from me.  There will be the little boy that is afraid to speak in front of people.  There will be the little girl whose parents are going through tough financial times.  There will be the shy little boy that just needs someone to “get him,” and the little girl that needs someone to tell her on a daily basis that she is as smart as anyone else in the classroom.  They will all need something different.

I like to think of myself as having a bag full of gifts and I have something special in my bag for each student in my class.  My job is to figure out which gift they need from the bag in order to grow, gain confidence, and become all that God has designed them to be.

Whether you are in an educational classroom or a ministry classroom, the "gift exchange" can be life-changing for the teacher and the student.

Motivated By Scripture

In recent posts we have looked at the motivation for special needs ministry.  We have looked at the motivations of advocating for a cause, perspective, and love.  Each of those motivations can be powerful but their influence will be greater when partnered with Scripture.  At Grace Without Margins we have used the following verses to guide us in our ministry.  

Genesis 1:27  So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.

If we truly look at every individual we meet with the lens that God created them in His image  without exception, we will see them as Christ does.

Exodus 4:11  Who gave man his mouth?  Who makes him deaf or mute?  Who gives him sight or makes him blind?  Is it not I, the Lord?  Now go; I will help you speak and will teach you what to say.

This verse is powerful because it shows that God is in control.  He has a plan for both our weaknesses, as well as our strengths.  In addition to that, we do not need to be afraid of serving in special needs ministry because God will equip us and will teach us what to say.

Matthew 25:40  The King will reply, I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.

When we serve people that are in the margins of our church, our lives, our society, we are serving Christ.  Christ met people in the margins and extended grace, compassion, friendship and love.

Luke 14:13,14  But when you give a banquet, invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, the blind and you will be blessed.

When you give a banquet, it is special, well planned and even extravagant.  The poor, those with disabilities, and those in the margins you invite, will be greeted and treated with honor.

Luke 14:21,23  Go out quickly into the streets and alleys of the town and bring in the poor, the crippled, the blind and the lame...God out to the roads and country lanes and make them come in, so that my house will be full.

Not only are we called to serve people with disabilities that come through the doors of our church, but we are asked to go out and bring them in.  God's house is not full until they are there!

Is Love Your Motivation?

The "One Another" verses of the New Testament encourage us 59 times, 15 of which are to "love one another" or "love each other."  The one I love the most for special needs ministry is to "Love one another deeply from the heart," I Peter 1:22.

As people come across our path in life, we will make decisions about what the relationship will look like.  At the very least we need to respect them and treat them with kindness.  Some people we will develop an acquaintance that will leave a lasting impression.  With others we will develop a love but may not have the opportunity to cultivate a deeper relationship.  And then there are those that become a part of our heart and we become part of theirs.  We know each other's story.

The people that have caused me to slow down and pay attention have become some of the biggest loves of my life.  Of course my family fits into that category, but there are others.  When I first met Frances 35 years ago, I had no idea the uniqueness that love would hold.  She was a victim to a stroke and could no longer read or write and even speak.  I had to hear and understand her story.  I had to find new ways to communicate.  I was her companion for a year in college and the journey we walked together left a lasting impression on me.

When we "Love one another deeply from the heart," we have taken the time to know the the challenges and the strengths of an individual.  We know the whole story and love them more for it.  In special needs ministry, love is a beautiful motivator.  The cause, the perspective, and the need are great motivators but when they are partnered with love,  it is not the "ministry" that matters but the people living within it.  The blessing is loving them deeply and from the heart.

What Is Your Motivation? Is It the NEED?

What is my motivation for being involved in special needs ministry?  I have always had a cause to advocate for in my life. My perspective on people has evolved over the last 40 years as has my understanding of our strengths and weaknesses.  My understanding of the need for special needs ministry, however, has become vital.  And once God reveals a need to you, it is troubling to ignore.

Statistics certainly leave an impression.  About 56.7 million people — 19 percent of the population — had a disability in 2010, according to a broad definition of disability, with more than half of them reporting the disability was severe, according to a comprehensive report on this population released today by the U.S. Census Bureau. More impactful than the statistics, however, is the great number of families and individuals that feel isolated in the public schools, the grocery stores, churches, playgrounds, and society as a whole.  If we only knew their story, we would probably have greater compassion for their hardships and greater love for their children.

Over 14 years as a director, I met numerous families that had been turned away from multiple churches.  They were asked not to return because there wasn't a place for their child.  Sometimes people just feel ill-equipped and don't want anyone to be hurt so they don't take on the "responsibility" of serving the child with a disability.  Their concerns are understandable, but their willingness to walk away isn't.  We are called to serve those that come through the doors of our church, regardless of their abilities.

As a special needs ministry trainer and educator for the past 8 years, I have been shocked by the number of churches that say they are not called to disability ministry.  According to statistics presented by A Council For Disability Awareness, Just over 1 in 4 of today's 20 year-olds will become disabled before they retire.  The need is there.  We just need to understand the responsibility and the blessing.

If you have a special needs ministry in your church with volunteers, a staff person, budget money, a classroom, structure, that is great.  If you have a great representation of people with varying abilities that are welcome, assimilated, and serving in the body without a structure, that may even be better.  They are essential to the body of Christ and should blend into the very fabric of the church.  If you do not see anyone with a visible disability, there is a great need to be met.  There are even more people in your community that have a disability that is unseen, but just as real, waiting to be welcomed.

What Is Your Motivation? Is It Your Perspective?

One of the reasons I have loved being a teacher, was viewing the classroom as a microcosm of society.  The classroom represented a mere atom in terms of the universe, but the irreplaceable value of that "atom" was worth fighting for as a teacher and adapting for as a person.

As students walked into my classroom for the first time they seemed so young, so much the same, but within moments I looked for how they were different.  I wondered what they needed from me and over time, I wondered how they would change me.  When I look through my album of class pictures, I can tell you at least one thing I offered to them and one gift they gave to me.

When I have a child with a special need come into my life, my perspective zeros in even more.  Sometimes I have to make a bigger commitment to get to know them.  Maybe they cannot communicate in the traditional sense and I have to focus and observe with more intention.  Because I am using a more powerful "lense," I will see their abilities and disabilities, their gifts and their struggles, their confidences and their fears, their joys and their sorrows.

The time with children with special needs or challenges has been a gift.  It has changed my perspective on all children.  All children have abilities, disabilities, gifts, struggles, confidences, fears, joys and sorrows.  Because I had to observe with commitment, I have learned to discover more about all children.  This, in turn, has helped me pay attention to all people with greater regard.  In some respects we are more similar than we realize and in other respects, we need to celebrate the differences a little more.

When you broaden your perspective after looking so thoughtfully, you start to see all people differently.  We all need support.  We all have gifts to offer and we all need to be welcomed, no matter what our abilities and gifts are to the community.

“A person's a person, no matter how small.”  ― Dr. Seuss, Horton Hears a Who!

What Is Your Motivation? Is it a cause?

Tragedy, loss, or hardship can often change the trajectory of our life, our vocation or our passion in ministry.  The births of foundations, non-profits, ministries and organizations have often been the result of a personal tragedy. A need for healing can often spawn a cause that we invest ourselves in and desire for others to invest in.

For me, the desire to have a cause in my life was one of the pillars of my upbringing.  It wasn't that my parents insisted we have a cause, rather it was a genetic need to make a difference.  My parents, my siblings, and my children each have a cause they are fighting for.  I can see it developing in my grandchildren.  

At times the fight can be discouraging.  When I see the same battles my parents were fighting 60 years ago as a continuing battle today, it gets my attention.  I can either become discouraged that the problem still exists or I can focus on the improvements that have been made and continue to participate in the cause.

Although I would prefer for the motivation to minister alongside people affected by disability to be love, the motivation of a cause can help drive change in our society.  The motivations of love and cause can work cohesively to make a bigger difference.

"Cause" can bring about positive changes in the church:

• Physical accessibility in the church: lowered water fountains, wider doorways, ramps, frequent seating opportunities, Braille signage, large print bulletins, and listing devices, to name a few
• Social accessibility in the church:  people of all abilities are invited to participate in every area of ministry, are encouraged to use their gifts, and are sought out for positions of leadership
• Spiritual accessibility in the church:  people of all abilities are offered opportunities to participate in membership classes, confirmation, communion, baptism and other practices.

Too often we assume that our place of worship offers the same opportunities to people of all abilities but ask yourself these questions:

• When was the last time you saw someone with a disability on the worship team or singing a solo?
• When was the last time you saw someone with a disability be baptized during your service?
• When was the last time you saw someone with a disability serve in a major leadership role in the church?
• When was the last time you invited someone over for dinner that would need some form of assistance?

If you can't recall someone with a disability participating in any of these situations, you may be ready for a cause.

Relaxing In His Timing

           1 I lift up my eyes to the mountains—

    where does my help come from

2 My help comes from the Lord,

       the Maker of heaven and earth.

 Psalm 121:1,2 (NIV)   

Bill and I just returned from a little relaxation in Colorado.  If you know me at all, you know I love to  sit on a mountain and evaluate relationships, life, my walk with God, and ministry.  While I was there I was given great advice from a friend of 31 years.  She encouraged me to relax, enjoy my family, and to let God have His timing on what my next steps are.  It seemed like good advice so I sat back, relaxed and enjoyed!

We enjoyed being in "God's country" again.  The weather was beautiful, we had a beautiful snow our last morning, and we were able to spend time with two of my favorite people, my brother Mark and my sister-in-law, Theresa.  Our biggest decisions for two days were what shoes to wear and what to eat for every meal.  That is what I call a vacation!

It was a great blessing to finally be able to go inside the beautiful chapel at St. Malo in Estes Park.  Bill and I have been there many times since his proposal but we have never been able to go inside until this trip.  It was absolutely beautiful!  I think of it as our special chapel but I am sure it is to many more couples.

Later in the week I had the added blessing of spending time with a friend I made on a trip to Portland a few years ago.    During that trip we had a layover in Denver and a sweet lady sat next to me and shared her story about being in a concentration camp during WWII.  I enjoyed being with her and hearing her perspective on faith, life, politics and our country.  She is now 85 years old and has a wealth of wisdom.  My sister-in-law was with me and she loved her instantly as well.

     
We are back home.  The suitcases are put away, the laundry is done, the pantry is well stocked again.  I am still wondering what God has in mind for me to do next in ministry.  I am ready and willing.  I am just waiting on His timing.

     


In the meantime, I will relax in the relationships God has blessed me with and spend time in prayer.  We serve a great God.  His mercy, His grace, and His compassion amaze me.

                                     

The Longevity of Letters

It has been an interesting journey the last couple of months as Bill and I have prepared classes.  It has caused me to walk the full circle of life and its losses, joys and meaning.  The mysteries of life become a little clearer once you walk right through the middle of them.

Recently I shared the book, Final Gifts, by Maggie Callahan and Patricia Kelley.  I didn't know until a couple of days ago that my dad had left a final gift.  I had already read through a box of letters Dad had saved.  I found all of the letters I had written him when I was in college.  I found the letters my oldest brother had written when he was away figuring out life and all of its complexities.  And I found a stack of letters written by a brother when he was in the Navy during Desert Storm.  I didn't read my brother's letters because they were a part of their private journey, but I hope they learned a few things about themselves after they received them.

Then a few days ago, I found another part of Dad's final gift.  I found letters he had written to his parents.  I especially love what he wrote to his dad, my grandfather, in 1960.

"The years fly by. I've gotten a lot of gray hairs already, but when those years are made up of a life well lived, one which follows the purpose of God, it is a joy to grow old. So you see, Dad, even though you are nearing fifty, it's still a wonderful life."

As I dug deeper into his old tin box I found even more treasures.  I found a letter he had written to the president of a college in 1963.  He shared his disappointment that the institution did not participate in the Day of Mourning For President John F. Kennedy.  Another letter he had written was to a small town's board of education in 1964.  The school had decided to cancel all school activities following the decision to integrate the school.  Dad knew this would only lead to more dissension.

What strikes me, is the longevity of words.  My father has been gone 16 years now.  His political activism ended before that, but his words are still here.  The words of the Gettysburg address are still ingrained in my mind from when I memorized them almost 45 years ago.  The words of Scripture I have carried with me for 55 years.

Lately I have been very discouraged.  I have looked for ways to relieve the discouragement but I have also found value in walking through it.  As I read the words of history, and read the words of one man's perception of it, I am discouraged that as a people and a nation, we are still battling the same issues.  We still battle prejudice, bigotry, marginalization, and a lack of grace.  I doubt it will end this side of heaven, but we have to keep trying.

The fallacies of history, written in words, do not have to repeat themselves, but their wisdom can guide the way to something better. When I read the historical words of how we have treated people with disabilities, they are so close I can reach back and touch them.  They were in our lifetime or at least the lifetime of our parents.

Someone once told me that gossip is like a big bag of feathers.  The bag of feathers explodes and all of those feathers are spread all over town as the wind picks them up.  Like gossip, we will never be able to gather all of those feathers again.  Especially with the capabilities of the internet, our words can spread across the world in a matter of minutes, never to be retrieved.

The words we say and the words we write have 
the potential of lasting for hundreds of years.  

May our words speak truth, love, compassion and grace.

Why Take A Class On Aging Parents and Loss?

Guest Blogger, Bill Boggess, 
Managing Director of Grace Without Margins

Deana and I have experienced many things in our life together. Due to our unique experiences with disabilities associated with aging and the loss of many family members, we decided to put together the seminar, Aging Parents and Loss.  The idea is to share the lessons we have learned over the years so people heading into similar situations will have some tools to work with and not have to "reinvent the wheel."

Preparing for end-of-life issues can be overwhelming.  Extending grace to yourself as a caregiver, can also be challenging.  We will be discussing guilt, forgiveness, how the grieving process plays into loss, the adjustments of acquired disabilities, and how to deal with difficult situations.

In addition, we recognize the increasing needs as the baby boomer population ages. Alzheimer and dementias are the top cause of disabilities later in life.  According to Statista (studies and statistics web site, 2015) in 2016 family caregivers provided an estimated 18.2 billion hours and 230 billion dollars to people with dementia.  We also know that approximately 10% of people 65-74 yrs old, 33% of people 75-84 yrs old will develop dementia. (Statista 2015)

Finally, nearly 25% of dementia caregivers are "sandwiched" between taking care of someone with the disease and caring for children or grandchildren.  The demands on caregivers is enormous.  We hope you will take advantage of this course and find it helpful on your journey.

Aging Parents and Loss - AUSTIN - March 3, 2018
https://www.eventbrite.com/e/aging-parents-and-loss-tickets-42617904299

Aging Loved Ones and Loss - DENVER - March 10, 2018
https://www.eventbrite.com/e/aging-loved-ones-and-loss-tickets-42796707103