It has been a wonderfully busy day! This morning Bill and I were able to thank a church for their continued love and support of children and families affected by special needs. Only 5% of churches offer special needs ministry so it was exciting to thank them for welcoming all of God's children into the church family. They have faithfully served for 17 years now!
This afternoon we were able to attend the initial meeting for a church that desires to start a special needs ministry. It was exciting to see six people attend with another three that couldn't make it. What a great start to getting such a vital ministry off the ground. They were already planning to offer buddies for two hours and were dreaming about starting an evening of respite for families.
I love that God lets us share in the celebration of seasoned ministries, as well as the excitement of brand new ones. Thank you, God, for giving us front row seats to the great things you are doing in the churches in Austin.
Sunday, October 30, 2011
Friday, October 21, 2011
What is Your Wall?
It has been a very introspective month. At the beginning of October I was trying so hard to find some time to work on the special needs book. I felt such a strong calling to get it finished but I also felt God's hand on me telling me to slow down because I have something else to learn.
For the last several weeks our church has been going through a series called "Walls." We have taken the time to determine where our thinking is off and how it keeps us from being closer to God. When I took the test on what my wall is, I ended up with the result, PRIDE. I never really saw myself as struggling with pride. I have always struggled with low self-esteem and lack of confidence. But God has wanted to reveal to me what my pride is all about. I have pride in several ways but one of them is being self-sufficient. I think I can do it all on my own. I am prideful when I need someone to step in and help.
Well, apparently God has been anxious for me to deal with this pride. Over the last two weeks, I have missed a week of work, people have brought in meals, cleaned my house, given me money, mowed our yard and showered me with gifts. This is wonderful and a huge blessing but for someone with pride, it is a little overwhelming. I have to work through feeling that I have let people down, that I can't keep up, and yes, that I can use some help.
When I was with my brother in his last days, it was fascinating to watch him go through a stage of having one foot in this life and one in the next. He was so weak he couldn't take care of himself. He was so tired that he didn't have any strength left and he was completely dependent on others. I saw strength in him, however, because he was so dependent on God. He went through a stage of evaluating his life but then he seemed to quickly surrender and trust God with his life. I think that took more strength than fighting.
Ten days have passed now and yesterday I turned 50. There is still some fight in me but mostly, I just want to surrender and let God do what God wants to do. He has a plan for the time I have left. I don't need to prove anything to myself or anyone else. I just need to surrender and say, God, I will do whatever you ask of me and I will do it on your strength and not my own.
Instead of evaluating my life by asking "Has my life mattered?" and "Have I accomplished anything?,"
I now want to take everything one step at a time and ask, "God, what do you want me to do today?"
Then I take one step at a time, trusting in God's plan.
We all have challenges and we all have strength to work through our challenges but if we take a step back and rely on God, we will be stronger.
For the last several weeks our church has been going through a series called "Walls." We have taken the time to determine where our thinking is off and how it keeps us from being closer to God. When I took the test on what my wall is, I ended up with the result, PRIDE. I never really saw myself as struggling with pride. I have always struggled with low self-esteem and lack of confidence. But God has wanted to reveal to me what my pride is all about. I have pride in several ways but one of them is being self-sufficient. I think I can do it all on my own. I am prideful when I need someone to step in and help.
Well, apparently God has been anxious for me to deal with this pride. Over the last two weeks, I have missed a week of work, people have brought in meals, cleaned my house, given me money, mowed our yard and showered me with gifts. This is wonderful and a huge blessing but for someone with pride, it is a little overwhelming. I have to work through feeling that I have let people down, that I can't keep up, and yes, that I can use some help.
When I was with my brother in his last days, it was fascinating to watch him go through a stage of having one foot in this life and one in the next. He was so weak he couldn't take care of himself. He was so tired that he didn't have any strength left and he was completely dependent on others. I saw strength in him, however, because he was so dependent on God. He went through a stage of evaluating his life but then he seemed to quickly surrender and trust God with his life. I think that took more strength than fighting.
Ten days have passed now and yesterday I turned 50. There is still some fight in me but mostly, I just want to surrender and let God do what God wants to do. He has a plan for the time I have left. I don't need to prove anything to myself or anyone else. I just need to surrender and say, God, I will do whatever you ask of me and I will do it on your strength and not my own.
Instead of evaluating my life by asking "Has my life mattered?" and "Have I accomplished anything?,"
I now want to take everything one step at a time and ask, "God, what do you want me to do today?"
Then I take one step at a time, trusting in God's plan.
We all have challenges and we all have strength to work through our challenges but if we take a step back and rely on God, we will be stronger.
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
The last 48 hours have been emotional, horrible, beautiful and spiritual. My little brother is in his last days of life here on this earth. It all feels incredibly unfair. Larry is only 46 years old and is way too young to be at the end of his life. He is way too kind to have to endure this amount of pain and yet, here we are. I have always known, however, that God is kind and that He walks every step of iife with us. I know he is with Larry right now and walking with him as well.
About 3:00 this morning I took a coffee break and talked to one of the hospice nurses for awhile. She shared with me that the end of life is the same as the beginning of life, only in reverse. You come into the world and go through labor. It is hard, it is stressful and every labor is different. No one knows how long it will take. It is different for every person. It is the same with the end of life. We may have to go through a long labor. It may be painful and we may not know just how long it will last. It is just the completion of our journey on earth, rather than the beginning.
I think of it as the birth process for the next life, however. Larry had many coaches during the labor. We gathered around and prayed, we read scriptures, we read poems, we sang, and we even read a chapter of Winnie-the-Pooh. We shared stories from the past with Larry and laughed together. We shared all of the things we admired the most about him and then let him know that it was ok for him to go and everything and everyone would be taken care of.
During the "labor" Larry was gracious enough to demonstrate his love for us. He gave hugs, blessed us, joked with us, tired to sing songs with us and even stroked my hair and cheek. One of the most beautiful things was that he let us listen in on conversations between he and my dad who is already in heaven. One day Larry raised him arm to the ceiling and was trying to grab something. My sister-in-law asked him what he was reaching for and he said, "I will see you tomorrow, Dad." She asked him if he could see Dad right then and how he looked. Larry said, "He looks great!" The next day he told Dad that everything was going to be alright. Sometimes I wonder if he was telling Dad that he wanted one more day here.
As we entered the last two days of his life, Larry endured a pulse of 136 and a fever of 105. As we swabbed Larry's mouth I kept thinking of Christ as he was on the cross, the suffering He endured and the liquids that were lifted up to him to bring him some comfort.
Larry has now gone to heaven. I will truly miss Larry but I find great comfort in knowing that he is in heaven today, completely whole and completely in God's presence. Larry endured many challenges in his life but is now healed. I will miss you so much but rest in peace, sweet Larry, and enjoy our Dad and our Father today.
About 3:00 this morning I took a coffee break and talked to one of the hospice nurses for awhile. She shared with me that the end of life is the same as the beginning of life, only in reverse. You come into the world and go through labor. It is hard, it is stressful and every labor is different. No one knows how long it will take. It is different for every person. It is the same with the end of life. We may have to go through a long labor. It may be painful and we may not know just how long it will last. It is just the completion of our journey on earth, rather than the beginning.
I think of it as the birth process for the next life, however. Larry had many coaches during the labor. We gathered around and prayed, we read scriptures, we read poems, we sang, and we even read a chapter of Winnie-the-Pooh. We shared stories from the past with Larry and laughed together. We shared all of the things we admired the most about him and then let him know that it was ok for him to go and everything and everyone would be taken care of.
During the "labor" Larry was gracious enough to demonstrate his love for us. He gave hugs, blessed us, joked with us, tired to sing songs with us and even stroked my hair and cheek. One of the most beautiful things was that he let us listen in on conversations between he and my dad who is already in heaven. One day Larry raised him arm to the ceiling and was trying to grab something. My sister-in-law asked him what he was reaching for and he said, "I will see you tomorrow, Dad." She asked him if he could see Dad right then and how he looked. Larry said, "He looks great!" The next day he told Dad that everything was going to be alright. Sometimes I wonder if he was telling Dad that he wanted one more day here.
As we entered the last two days of his life, Larry endured a pulse of 136 and a fever of 105. As we swabbed Larry's mouth I kept thinking of Christ as he was on the cross, the suffering He endured and the liquids that were lifted up to him to bring him some comfort.
Larry has now gone to heaven. I will truly miss Larry but I find great comfort in knowing that he is in heaven today, completely whole and completely in God's presence. Larry endured many challenges in his life but is now healed. I will miss you so much but rest in peace, sweet Larry, and enjoy our Dad and our Father today.
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