A Difficult Conversation

We often say that parenting doesn't come with a manual.  It is rather amazing we mostly rely on, "On The Job Training" for parenting.  We try to absorb all we can and make the best decisions we can at the time, based on the knowledge we have.  We often feel inadequate and unprepared.  

Ironically, we often think that stage of bewilderment is over when our kids are grown, but then we move into the new stage of aging parents.  Once again we feel like there is no manual, our "on the job training" is inadequate, and we feel terribly unprepared.  The truth is, there are resources available to us.   We just have to look for them.

Over the last few years we have walked through the sudden loss of a parent, the diagnosis of cancer with a short battle, the diagnosis of vascular dementia, and the typical progression of aging with our parents.  Each situation has presented a variety of issues and challenges.  

We have also walked alongside family and friends that have faced additional challenges because financial and emotional issues had not been addressed.  For example, in some states, a spouse can be forced to sell their home because a will was not prepared.  "Squatter's Rights" can get a little tricky in some states.  It is important to know the laws of the state you live in and how to protect your family's assets.  

Make a commitment to get your affairs in order for your parents, yourself, and your children:

• Is there a will?
• Is there a living will?
• Does someone have Power of Attorney?
• Does someone have Medical Power of Attorney?
• Do you have life insurance?
• Is more than one person on all bank accounts?
• Is there a listed beneficiary for life insurance, trusts, etc.?
• Does a DNR need to be in place?
• Have you planned your funeral?
• Are all important papers in one location and does someone know where they are located?
• Have you gone through your house to minimize what a loved one will have to deal with?
• Have you kept on top of paper piles, both discarding what is not needed and filing what is essential?
• Have you made a list of what you want to be given to certain people?
• Have you written letters to close loved ones?
• Have you asked or extended forgiveness to loved ones?
• Have you established a relationship with a lawyer and an accountant to see what else might need to be prepared?

It is hard to have these conversations but it is a relief to get them behind you.  If we can help you answer any questions on aging parent issues (financial, emotional, or spiritual) please feel free to contact us at gracewithoutmargins@aol.com.