The Final Goodbye

We said goodbye when Mom no longer could understand driving, money, or how to get out of her apartment.  We said goodbye when she left adulthood, young adulthood, the teenage years and  even childhood.  We said goodbye when she no longer knew us or the grandchildren or the great-grandchildren.  We have said many goodbyes as we have walked the road of dementia with my mother-in-law but this last goodbye leaves me speechless.

Over the last twelve years we have been called to run to Mom's bedside to say goodbye but she remained strong.  For a number of years we made certain decisions based on being afraid to leave town because we wanted to be there for her if she passed.  After three years of end stage dementia, the time has now come and it just doesn't seem real.

When my father-in-law died suddenly in a car accident, the emotions were overwhelming.  When my father died nine days after a diagnosis of cancer, I didn't think I would ever stop crying or feel "normal" again.  This loss is different and hard to work through the feelings.  It feels like Mom passed away three years ago and we went to the funeral home several days a week to make preparations and it is only now that we can have her memorial.  She was in a fetal position, weighing between 65 and 70 pounds for the last three years, unable to speak.  

It will take me weeks, months or possibly years to process this goodbye.  I have not cried as much as I thought I would but my stomach is all in knots.  I am glad she is no longer suffering but I sure will miss her presence on this earth and in our lives.  She added so much love and laughter.

Bill and I have been through a number of scenarios with aging parents and loss.  Each of them have been hard in different ways.  We will be teaching our course, "Aging Parents and Loss" at the end of October and early November at our church.  We look forward to sharing the things we have learned along the way and the opportunity to come alongside others walking the same road.  There are many sorrows to walk through but many joys to embrace.  If you are on this journey and need someone to listen, feel free to reach out to us at gracewithoutmargins@aol.com.