If You Were A Mirror, What Would You Reflect?

For some time now I have found it amusing to listen to how people describe one another.  If you were to describe someone, how would you do it?  Would you talk about their hair color? Eye color? Height?  Weight?  Skin color?  Financial status?  Societal Status? Personality? Abilities or disabilities?

I think the way we describe someone is a reflection of our heart.  It reveals what is important to us.  It can reveal our perspective on people.  Once I had a child describe me as "having wild grey hair and cool clothes."  One of my personal favorites is, "She likes to play with God" which was written on a little balloon.  If you heard either of these descriptions you would instantly have a specific impression of me.  On the negative side you might heat someone describe me as "older and overweight."  A description like this one would give you another impression.

At times I like to mess with people a little bit when I am describing someone.  I like to leave out a defining detail that would make it easy for someone to locate an individual.  It makes you have to think, be a little more observant, and even get to know people.  If I describe a person only by their personality, for example, it makes it a little tougher.

In disability ministry trainings I have attended, I have often been told "to look at the person, not the wheelchair."  There are a number of things to ponder in that statement.  I guess over the years I have worked on training myself to look into the eyes first.  I do think so much about one's soul are revealed through the eyes.  I would much rather start with the eyes than the waistline, or clothes, or piercings.  For those with visual impairment, their souls are displayed just as powerfully in other ways.

For awhile I tried to not notice the disability at all but focus on other aspects of the person.  I think this is good but abilities and disabilities are a part of who we are.  Once we have a filter that allows us to see people as God sees them, we will be able to take in the whole person, created in God's image, with a powerful purpose, ordained by God.

If you were a mirror for someone else, what would you reflect?  Would you only choose the parts of them that you understood or mattered to you?  Or would you reflect the whole person knowing God has a plan and a purpose for every aspect of them?

As David Siek, a good friend, once told me, "Look Into Their Eyes."  Look into the eyes of a person first to find your description and then feel comfortable embracing all of them, abilities and disabilities, because God can use every part of us to show His glory and purpose.

Serving Together

On Tuesday I had the blessing of meeting with five amazing women that serve and lead in disability ministry.  Some of them direct ministries in mega churches and some of them in small churches but without a doubt, all of them are making a difference in the lives of families.

What I love about these women is the variety of personalities, strengths and weaknesses and expressions of faith.  Their ministries are different because they are different, as well as the circumstances they serve in.  What bonds them together is their faith in the Lord and their love for people of ALL abilities.

We are all ordinary women with a passion and a knowledge of the grace that God has bestowed on each of us.  Amazing things can happen when we come together to encourage and strengthen one another.

Mental Health First Aid

As a teacher I have had CPR/First Aid training every 3 years.  I am grateful for the training as I have had to use the skills I learned a few times.  One of the abilities I have acquired and found most helpful is the ability to stay calm, assess the situation and be able to help the other person stay calm.  

As a follow-up to the "Pathways to Hope" conference I recently attended, my brother suggested I take a course, "Mental Health First Aid."  My brother is a social worker and has worked in the area of mental health for many years and so has his wife.  They have been my "go to" people when I have had questions on mental health.

The "Mental Health First Aid" class was extremely helpful.  I would encourage everyone to take it just as I would encourage CPR/First Aid.  I have gained more knowledge about mental health issues.  I also have a greater empathy and compassion for people affected by it.  During the course you have the opportunity to experience some of the issues that can lead up to a mental health crisis.

Below is the link to the first aid course I attended:

http://www.mentalhealthfirstaid.org/cs/take-a-course/find-a-course/

Another great resource is:

NAMI: National Alliance on Mental Illness | NAMI: The National ...

With these organizations you can either find a course for you to attend or you can arrange for a class to be taught at your church.

The best way to support a friend or family member struggling with a mental health challenge is to educate yourself and walk alongside them with support.  

Stop Whispering! The Stigma of Mental Illness

As I have shared before, I love words!  I love the sound of words.  I love the look of words on my walls.  I love the power of words.

Sometimes, however, words paralyze me because there are just so many I could share about an event in my life and I have no idea how to narrow them down.  Sometimes words just feel inadequate.

Words are inadequate for the last two days at the "Pathways to Hope" conference I attended.  The conference challenged my perspective and made me realize, once again, how limited my love can be.

I love the journey God has put me on in disability ministry but it is also overwhelming at times.  All I can see are my own shortcomings and lack of understanding.  Currently, I am attempting to devote 20% of my time to educate myself regarding the variety of challenges people have to face.  This month I chose to educate myself on mental illness.  I attended the "Pathways to Hope" conference this weekend and will be taking the course, "Mental Health First Aid" on Thursday.

There are many enlightenment's to share but one of the first realizations that struck me is how differently we respond to mental health issues compared to physical health issues.  When a friend is struck with a physical illness we respond with all kinds of help.  We deliver meals, help with the children, and help with chores around the house.  When someone is struggling with a mental health issue, we tend to back away.  I believe this response is due to a lack of knowledge and understanding, as well as fear.  A mental health crisis is not that different than a physical health crisis.  In the midst of it we need support, understanding, help, and an extra shot of hope.

Statistically, on any given day, 1 out of 5 people will struggle with a mental health issue.  Practically, that means that almost 200 of my Facebook friends are struggling today.  Most likely I will never know about their struggle because there is such a great stigma placed on mental illness.  They will feel alone which will only complicate their challenge.

To those that are struggling I hope you will begin to understand that you are not alone.  There are many people walking this journey.  Tell someone you trust and let them support you and help you get  help.  We all have our struggles and you never know which friend of yours may have walked this road before you did.  Let them use their journey to help you.

To those that are uncomfortable supporting someone with a mental illness, I encourage you to educate yourself.  Become familiar with mental illness and what you can do to support those suffering from it.  Don't shy away but offer to walk the road with them...pray for them, support them, encourage them, get them help, and offer them hope.

As I learned this weekend, cancer used to be whispered about and is now out in the open.  May mental illness no longer be something we whisper about.

Wounded or Refined

Sometimes life feels like a great battlefield and all you can see are the wounded, the destruction, the hopelessness, but today I am reminded that in the midst of that great battlefield there are areas that are left undamaged and are flourishing beautifully.

In every moment of every day we have a choice.  We can either see the destruction or the growth.  We can either see people as wounded or refined.  And the other choice we have is to see both.

At times in my life all I could see was the destruction and devastation.  I didn't look for the beauty that would rise up out of it.  At times in my life I have seen only the wounds and scars on a person's life and missed their refinement to become like Jesus.

Isaiah 61:1-3 has become one of my favorite passages over the last year because it shows both perspectives.  It is important to see the ashes, but always look for the crown of beauty to follow.

Isaiah 61:1-3New International Version (NIV)

The Year of the Lord’s Favor
61 The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me,
    because the Lord has anointed me
    to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
    to proclaim freedom for the captives
    and release from darkness for the prisoners,[a]
2 to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor
    and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn,
3     and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
    instead of ashes,
the oil of joy
    instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
    instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
    a planting of the Lord
    for the display of his splendor.

"She Is In Critical, Critical Condition"

I woke up early Monday morning to meet my daughter for coffee and pick up my granddaughter for the day.  I didn't bother to take a shower or anything because I was just going to come back home.   While I was waiting, the senior living facility where my mom lives called me.  You know it probably isn't good news when they call you at 7:30 in the morning.

The conversation started with, "Deana, we found your mom unconscious in the shower this morning. Her body was covering the drain and she was face down in the water."  Then I heard, "Hello, this is EMS.  We are with your mother and we have a good team of people working on her.  Do we have your permission to put in a ventilator?  She is in critical, critical condition."  

I told them, "Of course they could."  By this time I was starting to shake because I couldn't believe mom was drowning in a shower.  EMS asked me what hospital she preferred.  I told them and they said, "Oh no mam, she has to go to a trauma center."

I called Bill because I couldn't think straight at this point.  I needed to wait for my granddaughter but I wondered if I only had a few minutes to see my mom alive.  I told myself to take a few minutes to calm down.  I kept thinking, "Mom will be so upset with me if I have an accident on the way over."

When I arrived at the ER I was greeted with, "We don't know how long she was without oxygen."  All kinds of scenarios were playing in my head.  I was thinking through her directives in my mind.  Do I really remember all of her wishes depending on different scenarios?  I could need to give a  decision at any moment.  I thought I knew her wishes but I contacted my friends to see if they could go in my house and e-mail me a copy of her directives.  There were so many decisions to be made.  The nurses had all kinds of questions for me to answer.  I kept trying to push away the memories of other traumas we had experienced at this hospital in the past.

I was so thankful to have Bill by my side taking phone calls, answering texts, and listening to reports.  Soon my oldest brother and my sister-in-law arrived.  I was so thankful to have them and their input.  One of their dear friends, a nurse, was there as well.  She was invaluable in helping me understand what was going on.

Four days ago I was looking at my mom who was unresponsive, on a ventilator, with signs of a possible hear attack, water in her lungs, an infection, and blood pouring out her ear.  Now she is out of ICU and only has a few bruises and a ruptured eardrum!  Unbelievable!

Today I questioned if I made it worse than it really was. I was recently told by one of the first responders, however, they thought Mom had died.  The police were on the scene and so was the coroner.  

So, why do I share this on a special needs blog?  I think it is relatable for a number of reasons.  I have learned invaluable lessons from the last four days.

• Never take your loved ones for granted!  They can be gone in a five minute phone call.
• Many of us keep the suffering some families affected by disabilities endure at arm's length.  If it is too close to us, we have to walk through the suffering with them and we have to acknowledge that at any moment, it could be a challenge in our lives.  Embrace them.  Love them.
• We can't be afraid of discussing and putting our affairs (and those of our parent's) in order.  It is hard to talk about, but once we have them in order, we can all take a sigh of relief.  
• Never take any day for granted.  We don't know how many we have.
• When things get tough, hold on to Jesus even tighter!

I am so grateful for the staff at Highland Estates.  They saved my mother's life.  I am thankful for the drops of water leaking from my mom's floor through the ceiling below.  She would have died if no one had reported them.  I am thankful for EMS and the great lengths and sacrifices they make to save someone's life.  I am thankful for Momma and that I can still see her... listen to her...be with her.  Most of all, I am thankful for God who remains by my side no matter how hard the trial is ahead of me.

We are excited about going to Denver ("home") to share our love and passion, disability ministry.  We would love to have you join us! Please visit our website, www.gracewithoutmargins.com to learn more about the training and register.  We would love to have you join us!