Heroes Through All Stages of Life

What a powerful picture this is for me and I hope it will be to you...

This is my father's grave.  He passed away 15 1/2 years ago from Multiple Myeloma.  Dad served in the Korean War.  His main responsibility was to identify the dead.  Dad served in small towns in Texas during the 60's, trying to bridge the gap between the church and the acceptance of minorities.  He served in the Food For Peace program, trying to bridge the gap between resources and the poor.  He served as a teacher in the prison system, trying to bridge the gap between the opportunity for education and the incarcerated.  He served as Deputy Director of Equal Employment Opportunity Commission, trying to bridge the gap between employment and equal employment and wages for all people.  When Dad retired he tried to close the gap between exposure to church and a true walk with the Lord.  He served our country in powerful ways.

Also in this picture is my mom.  Mom tried to clear any obstacle in the way for my dad to serve in the ways he felt called to.  As a mother, Mom tried to clear any obstacle that would limit the success and opportunities for her children.  Mom served on the PTA and ran for Country Commissioner to support schools and her community.  She continued her education so she could serve in the church as a pastor and encourage people to understand what following Christ really means.  Mom served gang members with grace and she led Bible studies with women that were incarcerated.  Mom is almost 80 and continues to serve as a Stephen's Minister and continually looks for people that are in the margins in her community.  I know she struggles with what this stage of life means for her, but she is continually focused on the inclusion and support of those around her.  

When my mom saw this picture she said, "I am getting old!"  I don't see the white hair or the changes in mobility in this picture.  I see years and years of wisdom.  I see the sacrifices both of my parents made over the years.  I see the example they set for the rest of us.  The picture reminds me of all of the people they have helped out of the margins of society.

It was an honor to take Mom to Dad's grave yesterday.  I have to admit we don't go very often.  Before Dad passed he told me he didn't want me spending time there because that is not where he would be.  I do want to get back over and put new flowers in the vase but I know, and he knows, he is in my heart, all day and every day.  I often ask myself, who would Dad want me to help today and we do it together.  Mom and Dad, thank you for being such great heroes to me.

"A hero is someone who has given his or her life 

to something bigger than oneself."

– Joseph Campbell

Pray? Hope? Do something?

The last several months have been challenging for me.  Things were going so well in ministry and suddenly it felt like God unplugged me.   There were less calls...e-mails...connections.  It was a sad time for me because I care so deeply about people left in the margins, specifically those with a disability that are in the margins.  My closest friends could see my anguish but I don't know that they understood it.

I had passion.  I had commitment.  I had time.  God wanted me to be still.  As a dear friend told me, "Relax and enjoy your children and grandchildren and wait for God's timing."  Being a woman that always has a cause and a goal, that is tough.

In the last several weeks my view of who is in the margins has expanded.  Youth struggling with their sexual identity are in the margins...and so are their parents.  Youth struggling with mental illness are in the margins...and so are their parents.  Youth that, for whatever reason, have made a decision to attack their school and take the lives of their peers have been in the margins.  I cannot even fathom the feelings of their parents.  They are incredibly alone in their pain.  Please know I am not making light of those choices, they are heart-breaking, but I do think about the marginalization that got them there.

I don't know what God's plans are for me but I keep thinking about what I can do.  The situation with our schools is tragic and URGENT.  Prayer is a powerful tool.  Hope is a powerful tool as well but as my daughter has on her Facebook wall, "Hope doesn't get the job done."

My intent is not to get political or choose a side. As a country we are all heart-broken over the loss of life in our schools and the lingering fear of more.  We can pray, we can hope, but we can also do something.

I know for me, I am making a commitment to engage with people more.  Some of our high school students are so in the margins that they are never greeted, included in a group or invited anywhere.  I will never forget the young man that lived across the street.  He always had his head hanging low and was dressed in dark clothing.  I told him hello once but I never had a conversation with him.  He committed suicide.  Shame on me for never extending myself to him.  What deep regrets I have!

I am working on a plan, but in the meantime, I plan to pay more attention and reach out to those around me.  I have to educate myself a little more and meet with a few people but I will let you know how God's plan unfolds.  In the meantime, think about what you can do.  Always remember there must be grace in the margins, just as grace has been extended to each of us.

The Gift Exchange

I have been working on another book for about a year.  Hopefully I will finish it someday soon.  I share the following excerpt because it is how I feel about all children and even adults.  We have something to offer everyone in our classroom.  

Then comes the moment we have all been waiting for, the first day of school.  I have on my new outfit that I hope looks professional, yet relaxed and fun.  One-by-one 15 little personalities come into my classroom.  Some are shy and stand behind their mommas.  Some are bold and race through the classroom checking out the toys.  And some of them, well, they check me out wondering what I will be like.  Why do I have “white” hair?   And why can’t they have the same teacher they had last year?

On that special day one, though, as the kids enter my classroom I have one thought in mind, “What do they need from me?”  I will not treat them all the same because they will all need something different from me.  There will be the little boy that is afraid to speak in front of people.  There will be the little girl whose parents are going through tough financial times.  There will be the shy little boy that just needs someone to “get him,” and the little girl that needs someone to tell her on a daily basis that she is as smart as anyone else in the classroom.  They will all need something different.

I like to think of myself as having a bag full of gifts and I have something special in my bag for each student in my class.  My job is to figure out which gift they need from the bag in order to grow, gain confidence, and become all that God has designed them to be.

Whether you are in an educational classroom or a ministry classroom, the "gift exchange" can be life-changing for the teacher and the student.

Motivated By Scripture

In recent posts we have looked at the motivation for special needs ministry.  We have looked at the motivations of advocating for a cause, perspective, and love.  Each of those motivations can be powerful but their influence will be greater when partnered with Scripture.  At Grace Without Margins we have used the following verses to guide us in our ministry.  

Genesis 1:27  So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.

If we truly look at every individual we meet with the lens that God created them in His image  without exception, we will see them as Christ does.

Exodus 4:11  Who gave man his mouth?  Who makes him deaf or mute?  Who gives him sight or makes him blind?  Is it not I, the Lord?  Now go; I will help you speak and will teach you what to say.

This verse is powerful because it shows that God is in control.  He has a plan for both our weaknesses, as well as our strengths.  In addition to that, we do not need to be afraid of serving in special needs ministry because God will equip us and will teach us what to say.

Matthew 25:40  The King will reply, I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.

When we serve people that are in the margins of our church, our lives, our society, we are serving Christ.  Christ met people in the margins and extended grace, compassion, friendship and love.

Luke 14:13,14  But when you give a banquet, invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, the blind and you will be blessed.

When you give a banquet, it is special, well planned and even extravagant.  The poor, those with disabilities, and those in the margins you invite, will be greeted and treated with honor.

Luke 14:21,23  Go out quickly into the streets and alleys of the town and bring in the poor, the crippled, the blind and the lame...God out to the roads and country lanes and make them come in, so that my house will be full.

Not only are we called to serve people with disabilities that come through the doors of our church, but we are asked to go out and bring them in.  God's house is not full until they are there!

Is Love Your Motivation?

The "One Another" verses of the New Testament encourage us 59 times, 15 of which are to "love one another" or "love each other."  The one I love the most for special needs ministry is to "Love one another deeply from the heart," I Peter 1:22.

As people come across our path in life, we will make decisions about what the relationship will look like.  At the very least we need to respect them and treat them with kindness.  Some people we will develop an acquaintance that will leave a lasting impression.  With others we will develop a love but may not have the opportunity to cultivate a deeper relationship.  And then there are those that become a part of our heart and we become part of theirs.  We know each other's story.

The people that have caused me to slow down and pay attention have become some of the biggest loves of my life.  Of course my family fits into that category, but there are others.  When I first met Frances 35 years ago, I had no idea the uniqueness that love would hold.  She was a victim to a stroke and could no longer read or write and even speak.  I had to hear and understand her story.  I had to find new ways to communicate.  I was her companion for a year in college and the journey we walked together left a lasting impression on me.

When we "Love one another deeply from the heart," we have taken the time to know the the challenges and the strengths of an individual.  We know the whole story and love them more for it.  In special needs ministry, love is a beautiful motivator.  The cause, the perspective, and the need are great motivators but when they are partnered with love,  it is not the "ministry" that matters but the people living within it.  The blessing is loving them deeply and from the heart.

What Is Your Motivation? Is It the NEED?

What is my motivation for being involved in special needs ministry?  I have always had a cause to advocate for in my life. My perspective on people has evolved over the last 40 years as has my understanding of our strengths and weaknesses.  My understanding of the need for special needs ministry, however, has become vital.  And once God reveals a need to you, it is troubling to ignore.

Statistics certainly leave an impression.  About 56.7 million people — 19 percent of the population — had a disability in 2010, according to a broad definition of disability, with more than half of them reporting the disability was severe, according to a comprehensive report on this population released today by the U.S. Census Bureau. More impactful than the statistics, however, is the great number of families and individuals that feel isolated in the public schools, the grocery stores, churches, playgrounds, and society as a whole.  If we only knew their story, we would probably have greater compassion for their hardships and greater love for their children.

Over 14 years as a director, I met numerous families that had been turned away from multiple churches.  They were asked not to return because there wasn't a place for their child.  Sometimes people just feel ill-equipped and don't want anyone to be hurt so they don't take on the "responsibility" of serving the child with a disability.  Their concerns are understandable, but their willingness to walk away isn't.  We are called to serve those that come through the doors of our church, regardless of their abilities.

As a special needs ministry trainer and educator for the past 8 years, I have been shocked by the number of churches that say they are not called to disability ministry.  According to statistics presented by A Council For Disability Awareness, Just over 1 in 4 of today's 20 year-olds will become disabled before they retire.  The need is there.  We just need to understand the responsibility and the blessing.

If you have a special needs ministry in your church with volunteers, a staff person, budget money, a classroom, structure, that is great.  If you have a great representation of people with varying abilities that are welcome, assimilated, and serving in the body without a structure, that may even be better.  They are essential to the body of Christ and should blend into the very fabric of the church.  If you do not see anyone with a visible disability, there is a great need to be met.  There are even more people in your community that have a disability that is unseen, but just as real, waiting to be welcomed.

What Is Your Motivation? Is It Your Perspective?

One of the reasons I have loved being a teacher, was viewing the classroom as a microcosm of society.  The classroom represented a mere atom in terms of the universe, but the irreplaceable value of that "atom" was worth fighting for as a teacher and adapting for as a person.

As students walked into my classroom for the first time they seemed so young, so much the same, but within moments I looked for how they were different.  I wondered what they needed from me and over time, I wondered how they would change me.  When I look through my album of class pictures, I can tell you at least one thing I offered to them and one gift they gave to me.

When I have a child with a special need come into my life, my perspective zeros in even more.  Sometimes I have to make a bigger commitment to get to know them.  Maybe they cannot communicate in the traditional sense and I have to focus and observe with more intention.  Because I am using a more powerful "lense," I will see their abilities and disabilities, their gifts and their struggles, their confidences and their fears, their joys and their sorrows.

The time with children with special needs or challenges has been a gift.  It has changed my perspective on all children.  All children have abilities, disabilities, gifts, struggles, confidences, fears, joys and sorrows.  Because I had to observe with commitment, I have learned to discover more about all children.  This, in turn, has helped me pay attention to all people with greater regard.  In some respects we are more similar than we realize and in other respects, we need to celebrate the differences a little more.

When you broaden your perspective after looking so thoughtfully, you start to see all people differently.  We all need support.  We all have gifts to offer and we all need to be welcomed, no matter what our abilities and gifts are to the community.

“A person's a person, no matter how small.”  ― Dr. Seuss, Horton Hears a Who!