Understanding The Loss Of A Child

I read a post today that a sweet friend wrote.  It has stayed with me all day.  I can't imagine the pain she has experienced, but I am so glad she shared about her loss, as well as her sweet son.

So often we feel compassion for another's pain but we have no idea what to say.  I encourage you to read the story .  It will give you better under-
standing and compassion for someone that has lost a child.

There will never come a day, hour, or minute that I don't stop thinking about Colby. Today, 14 years ago, he lost his short battle to Leukemia. Something that no 3 year old child, or child of any age should have to endure. Disease in children is the most gut wrenching, heartbreaking, and unsettling thing to see and experience. Really, there just are no words.

There are parents, and then there are bereaved parents. We are both. What many people don't know, is that I love to hear Colby's name, just as much as my living children's names. I want to speak of him, share things that he loved, and so much more. There's a taboo to this, and it's not anyone's fault. There's an awkward silence when it comes to a deceased child. It makes others uncomfortable. In no fault of their own, it's just how society has worked. 

The truth is, there's no "getting over it", there's no, "time makes everything better". I will always grieve the loss of Colby. The reality is that time just gives you the "time" to learn how to live with it. Time to learn how to not look for a third child at the playground. To not set out a third set of clothes in the morning. To not buy the snacks that he enjoyed when you're shopping. Time to re-create your day to day of being a mother to three littles.

I share this not for sympathy, but in hopes that others might see how bereaved parents live from day to day, and to maybe help fill some of that "awkward" silence. The silence comes when we make new friends, attend new churches, and even when we get asked, "how many kids do you have". And believe me, that happens A LOT. The other one that happens a lot is, "wow, you waited a long time to have a second child". That's a fun one to explain!

Every holiday, birthday, and significant date are reminders. They are reminders that we will never see him play baseball, drive, graduate, get married, have kids....Just think...Can you imagine Christmas without your child? Or your child's birthday, but no child here to celebrate with? 

Bottom line. There's no end to grief. What there is though....is a loving almighty God that has carried me through each and every day. 2 Corinthians 4:17-18, "For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."

As a bereaved parent, I am flawed. I grieve like no other, but I know what true joy is. The joy that I received from being Colby's mom is incredible. The way Colby never met a stranger and the way he always loved, is true joy! He made my life more rich and so much more full. He was a gift. A gift from God even in the midst of grief.

Don't take life for granted. Experience joy. Don't be afraid to support someone during their loss. Don't be afraid that you won't say the "right" thing. Just love them. Love them where they are. That's all we need. And I thank God that He has provided me with incredible friends through the way and through each season. 

Here are a few fun things to know about Colby:

*He was a big boy weighing 10 pounds and 5 ounces when born
*He LOVED everything Spiderman
*He was always happy and always smiled
*He wanted to be just like Blake, but he def had better dance moves
*He loved my friends, and called my best friend Lupe, "Wooopie"
*Colby and our lab Maggie were un-seperable
*He called Chloe "BooBoo". At first he didn't like her getting all the attention, but he became her biggest fan
*He was adventurous and creative with a ton of energy
*His skin color was very dark, more like my dad
*He had a blanket that he took everywhere at all times. It happened to be my brother's blanket. He would stand at the washing machine crying while I washed it and often it didn't even make it to the dryer.
*When he drove his jeep around the yard, he would put his hand behind Chloe's head when he accelerated
*He loved all superhero movies
SO much more, but here are just a few fun things that stand out!
*Hats! He loved hats.

Written by Myra Lundstrom