Is Love Your Motivation?

The "One Another" verses of the New Testament encourage us 59 times, 15 of which are to "love one another" or "love each other."  The one I love the most for special needs ministry is to "Love one another deeply from the heart," I Peter 1:22.

As people come across our path in life, we will make decisions about what the relationship will look like.  At the very least we need to respect them and treat them with kindness.  Some people we will develop an acquaintance that will leave a lasting impression.  With others we will develop a love but may not have the opportunity to cultivate a deeper relationship.  And then there are those that become a part of our heart and we become part of theirs.  We know each other's story.

The people that have caused me to slow down and pay attention have become some of the biggest loves of my life.  Of course my family fits into that category, but there are others.  When I first met Frances 35 years ago, I had no idea the uniqueness that love would hold.  She was a victim to a stroke and could no longer read or write and even speak.  I had to hear and understand her story.  I had to find new ways to communicate.  I was her companion for a year in college and the journey we walked together left a lasting impression on me.

When we "Love one another deeply from the heart," we have taken the time to know the the challenges and the strengths of an individual.  We know the whole story and love them more for it.  In special needs ministry, love is a beautiful motivator.  The cause, the perspective, and the need are great motivators but when they are partnered with love,  it is not the "ministry" that matters but the people living within it.  The blessing is loving them deeply and from the heart.

What Is Your Motivation? Is It the NEED?

What is my motivation for being involved in special needs ministry?  I have always had a cause to advocate for in my life. My perspective on people has evolved over the last 40 years as has my understanding of our strengths and weaknesses.  My understanding of the need for special needs ministry, however, has become vital.  And once God reveals a need to you, it is troubling to ignore.

Statistics certainly leave an impression.  About 56.7 million people — 19 percent of the population — had a disability in 2010, according to a broad definition of disability, with more than half of them reporting the disability was severe, according to a comprehensive report on this population released today by the U.S. Census Bureau. More impactful than the statistics, however, is the great number of families and individuals that feel isolated in the public schools, the grocery stores, churches, playgrounds, and society as a whole.  If we only knew their story, we would probably have greater compassion for their hardships and greater love for their children.

Over 14 years as a director, I met numerous families that had been turned away from multiple churches.  They were asked not to return because there wasn't a place for their child.  Sometimes people just feel ill-equipped and don't want anyone to be hurt so they don't take on the "responsibility" of serving the child with a disability.  Their concerns are understandable, but their willingness to walk away isn't.  We are called to serve those that come through the doors of our church, regardless of their abilities.

As a special needs ministry trainer and educator for the past 8 years, I have been shocked by the number of churches that say they are not called to disability ministry.  According to statistics presented by A Council For Disability Awareness, Just over 1 in 4 of today's 20 year-olds will become disabled before they retire.  The need is there.  We just need to understand the responsibility and the blessing.

If you have a special needs ministry in your church with volunteers, a staff person, budget money, a classroom, structure, that is great.  If you have a great representation of people with varying abilities that are welcome, assimilated, and serving in the body without a structure, that may even be better.  They are essential to the body of Christ and should blend into the very fabric of the church.  If you do not see anyone with a visible disability, there is a great need to be met.  There are even more people in your community that have a disability that is unseen, but just as real, waiting to be welcomed.

What Is Your Motivation? Is It Your Perspective?

One of the reasons I have loved being a teacher, was viewing the classroom as a microcosm of society.  The classroom represented a mere atom in terms of the universe, but the irreplaceable value of that "atom" was worth fighting for as a teacher and adapting for as a person.

As students walked into my classroom for the first time they seemed so young, so much the same, but within moments I looked for how they were different.  I wondered what they needed from me and over time, I wondered how they would change me.  When I look through my album of class pictures, I can tell you at least one thing I offered to them and one gift they gave to me.

When I have a child with a special need come into my life, my perspective zeros in even more.  Sometimes I have to make a bigger commitment to get to know them.  Maybe they cannot communicate in the traditional sense and I have to focus and observe with more intention.  Because I am using a more powerful "lense," I will see their abilities and disabilities, their gifts and their struggles, their confidences and their fears, their joys and their sorrows.

The time with children with special needs or challenges has been a gift.  It has changed my perspective on all children.  All children have abilities, disabilities, gifts, struggles, confidences, fears, joys and sorrows.  Because I had to observe with commitment, I have learned to discover more about all children.  This, in turn, has helped me pay attention to all people with greater regard.  In some respects we are more similar than we realize and in other respects, we need to celebrate the differences a little more.

When you broaden your perspective after looking so thoughtfully, you start to see all people differently.  We all need support.  We all have gifts to offer and we all need to be welcomed, no matter what our abilities and gifts are to the community.

“A person's a person, no matter how small.”  ― Dr. Seuss, Horton Hears a Who!

What Is Your Motivation? Is it a cause?

Tragedy, loss, or hardship can often change the trajectory of our life, our vocation or our passion in ministry.  The births of foundations, non-profits, ministries and organizations have often been the result of a personal tragedy. A need for healing can often spawn a cause that we invest ourselves in and desire for others to invest in.

For me, the desire to have a cause in my life was one of the pillars of my upbringing.  It wasn't that my parents insisted we have a cause, rather it was a genetic need to make a difference.  My parents, my siblings, and my children each have a cause they are fighting for.  I can see it developing in my grandchildren.  

At times the fight can be discouraging.  When I see the same battles my parents were fighting 60 years ago as a continuing battle today, it gets my attention.  I can either become discouraged that the problem still exists or I can focus on the improvements that have been made and continue to participate in the cause.

Although I would prefer for the motivation to minister alongside people affected by disability to be love, the motivation of a cause can help drive change in our society.  The motivations of love and cause can work cohesively to make a bigger difference.

"Cause" can bring about positive changes in the church:

• Physical accessibility in the church: lowered water fountains, wider doorways, ramps, frequent seating opportunities, Braille signage, large print bulletins, and listing devices, to name a few
• Social accessibility in the church:  people of all abilities are invited to participate in every area of ministry, are encouraged to use their gifts, and are sought out for positions of leadership
• Spiritual accessibility in the church:  people of all abilities are offered opportunities to participate in membership classes, confirmation, communion, baptism and other practices.

Too often we assume that our place of worship offers the same opportunities to people of all abilities but ask yourself these questions:

• When was the last time you saw someone with a disability on the worship team or singing a solo?
• When was the last time you saw someone with a disability be baptized during your service?
• When was the last time you saw someone with a disability serve in a major leadership role in the church?
• When was the last time you invited someone over for dinner that would need some form of assistance?

If you can't recall someone with a disability participating in any of these situations, you may be ready for a cause.

Relaxing In His Timing

           1 I lift up my eyes to the mountains—

    where does my help come from

2 My help comes from the Lord,

       the Maker of heaven and earth.

 Psalm 121:1,2 (NIV)   

Bill and I just returned from a little relaxation in Colorado.  If you know me at all, you know I love to  sit on a mountain and evaluate relationships, life, my walk with God, and ministry.  While I was there I was given great advice from a friend of 31 years.  She encouraged me to relax, enjoy my family, and to let God have His timing on what my next steps are.  It seemed like good advice so I sat back, relaxed and enjoyed!

We enjoyed being in "God's country" again.  The weather was beautiful, we had a beautiful snow our last morning, and we were able to spend time with two of my favorite people, my brother Mark and my sister-in-law, Theresa.  Our biggest decisions for two days were what shoes to wear and what to eat for every meal.  That is what I call a vacation!

It was a great blessing to finally be able to go inside the beautiful chapel at St. Malo in Estes Park.  Bill and I have been there many times since his proposal but we have never been able to go inside until this trip.  It was absolutely beautiful!  I think of it as our special chapel but I am sure it is to many more couples.

Later in the week I had the added blessing of spending time with a friend I made on a trip to Portland a few years ago.    During that trip we had a layover in Denver and a sweet lady sat next to me and shared her story about being in a concentration camp during WWII.  I enjoyed being with her and hearing her perspective on faith, life, politics and our country.  She is now 85 years old and has a wealth of wisdom.  My sister-in-law was with me and she loved her instantly as well.

     
We are back home.  The suitcases are put away, the laundry is done, the pantry is well stocked again.  I am still wondering what God has in mind for me to do next in ministry.  I am ready and willing.  I am just waiting on His timing.

     


In the meantime, I will relax in the relationships God has blessed me with and spend time in prayer.  We serve a great God.  His mercy, His grace, and His compassion amaze me.

                                     

The Longevity of Letters

It has been an interesting journey the last couple of months as Bill and I have prepared classes.  It has caused me to walk the full circle of life and its losses, joys and meaning.  The mysteries of life become a little clearer once you walk right through the middle of them.

Recently I shared the book, Final Gifts, by Maggie Callahan and Patricia Kelley.  I didn't know until a couple of days ago that my dad had left a final gift.  I had already read through a box of letters Dad had saved.  I found all of the letters I had written him when I was in college.  I found the letters my oldest brother had written when he was away figuring out life and all of its complexities.  And I found a stack of letters written by a brother when he was in the Navy during Desert Storm.  I didn't read my brother's letters because they were a part of their private journey, but I hope they learned a few things about themselves after they received them.

Then a few days ago, I found another part of Dad's final gift.  I found letters he had written to his parents.  I especially love what he wrote to his dad, my grandfather, in 1960.

"The years fly by. I've gotten a lot of gray hairs already, but when those years are made up of a life well lived, one which follows the purpose of God, it is a joy to grow old. So you see, Dad, even though you are nearing fifty, it's still a wonderful life."

As I dug deeper into his old tin box I found even more treasures.  I found a letter he had written to the president of a college in 1963.  He shared his disappointment that the institution did not participate in the Day of Mourning For President John F. Kennedy.  Another letter he had written was to a small town's board of education in 1964.  The school had decided to cancel all school activities following the decision to integrate the school.  Dad knew this would only lead to more dissension.

What strikes me, is the longevity of words.  My father has been gone 16 years now.  His political activism ended before that, but his words are still here.  The words of the Gettysburg address are still ingrained in my mind from when I memorized them almost 45 years ago.  The words of Scripture I have carried with me for 55 years.

Lately I have been very discouraged.  I have looked for ways to relieve the discouragement but I have also found value in walking through it.  As I read the words of history, and read the words of one man's perception of it, I am discouraged that as a people and a nation, we are still battling the same issues.  We still battle prejudice, bigotry, marginalization, and a lack of grace.  I doubt it will end this side of heaven, but we have to keep trying.

The fallacies of history, written in words, do not have to repeat themselves, but their wisdom can guide the way to something better. When I read the historical words of how we have treated people with disabilities, they are so close I can reach back and touch them.  They were in our lifetime or at least the lifetime of our parents.

Someone once told me that gossip is like a big bag of feathers.  The bag of feathers explodes and all of those feathers are spread all over town as the wind picks them up.  Like gossip, we will never be able to gather all of those feathers again.  Especially with the capabilities of the internet, our words can spread across the world in a matter of minutes, never to be retrieved.

The words we say and the words we write have 
the potential of lasting for hundreds of years.  

May our words speak truth, love, compassion and grace.

Why Take A Class On Aging Parents and Loss?

Guest Blogger, Bill Boggess, 
Managing Director of Grace Without Margins

Deana and I have experienced many things in our life together. Due to our unique experiences with disabilities associated with aging and the loss of many family members, we decided to put together the seminar, Aging Parents and Loss.  The idea is to share the lessons we have learned over the years so people heading into similar situations will have some tools to work with and not have to "reinvent the wheel."

Preparing for end-of-life issues can be overwhelming.  Extending grace to yourself as a caregiver, can also be challenging.  We will be discussing guilt, forgiveness, how the grieving process plays into loss, the adjustments of acquired disabilities, and how to deal with difficult situations.

In addition, we recognize the increasing needs as the baby boomer population ages. Alzheimer and dementias are the top cause of disabilities later in life.  According to Statista (studies and statistics web site, 2015) in 2016 family caregivers provided an estimated 18.2 billion hours and 230 billion dollars to people with dementia.  We also know that approximately 10% of people 65-74 yrs old, 33% of people 75-84 yrs old will develop dementia. (Statista 2015)

Finally, nearly 25% of dementia caregivers are "sandwiched" between taking care of someone with the disease and caring for children or grandchildren.  The demands on caregivers is enormous.  We hope you will take advantage of this course and find it helpful on your journey.

Aging Parents and Loss - AUSTIN - March 3, 2018
https://www.eventbrite.com/e/aging-parents-and-loss-tickets-42617904299

Aging Loved Ones and Loss - DENVER - March 10, 2018
https://www.eventbrite.com/e/aging-loved-ones-and-loss-tickets-42796707103