Am I Self-Centered or God-Centered?

      Sometimes in ministry the line can get blurry....are we serving in ministry on our own or because we are focused on God?  We desire to help people, extend love and grace to them, and welcome them into the church.  We can fall into a trap of feeling like it is the right thing to do, rather than have the same kind of unconditional love that Christ does.
     I think the true test for me is found in I Corinthians 13:4-7,


 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

These verses are a test as we serve in ministry.  When I go to serve on a Sunday morning, are all of these things true in my heart?

Do You Need to Put on the Brakes?

Experiencing God, by Henry and Richard Blackaby, Chapter 7...

     Bill and I prefer to not offer training to volunteers right off the bat.  Why?  Because training will be far more meaningful to a volunteer in special needs ministry once they realize how many questions they have and feel a need for direction and training. In a way, Blackaby used this tactic with their readers or at least that is how I took it.

     I had read six chapters of the book looking back over my life thinking I understood God, His will, and His work, but in Chapter 7, Blackaby puts on the brakes.  If we don't have an intimate relationship with God, none of that matters.  God has called me to love Him and know Him.

     I have felt this way in ministry a number of times.  I go full steam ahead thinking I know what God's will for me is, that He has prepared me for the assignment, and everything is a go.  Once I get started I then realize how much I don't know.  I realize how much I need God and I put on the brakes.  Have you ever started a project for God and then stopped and looked around to see where God is?  God is

always waiting for us to have a relationship with Him and not just a relationship, but an intimate relationship.

     In our busy lives of taking care of family, working to make a living, and serving in ministry, we often forget God.  I am embarrassed to say that even having time alone with God can be a "To Do" item on my list.  I love the following quote from, Experiencing God,

"It is never a chore to spend time with someone you love, although it can be tedious to spend time with a stranger."

Before I serve in ministry, I have to ask myself some questions,

• Do I truly love God? 
• Have I spent time with God lately?
• Do I truly know God as a loved one, rather than a stranger?

     A number of times I have jumped into ministry and then realized  I need training....God's training.  I can't possibly know God's will for my life and ministry if I don't know Him.  

• 
  

Hmmmm....Interesting Concept

     Hmmm.....interesting concept proposed in Experiencing God this week.  As Christians WE OFTEN CHOOSE our spiritual assignment or ministry based on our spiritual gift.  Blackaby proposes the concept that we should let God choose our spiritual assignment and then trust that the Holy Spirit will equip us with the spiritual gift we will need.

     In terms of special needs ministry, this excites me.  We have always drawn and invited people with the spiritual gift of mercy into the ministry.  How powerful would it be, however, to watch someone with very little mercy be transformed by serving in the ministry.  The Holy Spirit can do amazing things!  It would be such a testimony to the power of God.

     If you are looking for your next assignment, be open to WHATEVER God calls you to do.  The Holy Spirit will equip you.  If you are looking for more volunteers, be open to the variety of ways God will work in your ministry.  God is working in the lives of those the ministry serves, but He is also working in the lives and hearts of the volunteers.

How Much Do You Trust God?

     Unfortunately, I haven't been able to write for the last couple of weeks.  I have missed writing, because it sharpens me to have to think about what to write.  In order to teach anything, you first have to learn.  For the last couple of weeks, I have had to take a break from reading to do a little "lab work" or "hands on training."  It is funny.  Just when you get comfortable with what you do know, God shows you even more that you don't know.  God has taught me some invaluable things in the last couple of weeks, but it is also nice to be back to my beloved book.

     In Chapter 5 of Experiencing God, by Henry and Richard Blackaby, so many insights about Moses are shared.  The story of Moses is one of my favorites, because Moses was not necessarily articulate, polished, or smooth.  He simply loved God and was obedient to God.  God took care of the rest.  He was offered a job with tremendous outcome and impact and from a worldly perspective may have been the least likely to be chosen for the job.  The lesson to be learned, however, is that God can do and accomplish anything through a willing servant.  I love the following paragraph from Experiencing God:

"When God asks you to do something you cannot do, you will face a crisis of belief.  You'll have to decide what you really believe about God.  Can He and will He do what He has said He wants to do though you?  Can God do the seemingly impossible through your ordinary life?  How you respond to His invitation reveals what you truly believe about God, regardless of what you say."

When I read this it hit me, "It isn't about me at all.  It is not about my skills, education, experience, or anything about me personally.  It is about how much I trust God."

     Later in the same chapter, Blackaby says, "To move from your way of thinking or acting to God's way of thinking or acting will require fundamental adjustments.  You can't stay where you are and go with God at the same time."

     The first time I read this, it made me trust God enough to go serve in an area of ministry that I didn't know much about.  I had to trust God every step of the way. At the time I was in my 30's.  Now I am in my 50's and my tendency is to desire safety and security.  I am a little less adventurous, but I need to stay open to whatever God is calling me to do next, even if it makes me feel less secure.  I have to say I admire my cousin.  She and her family just sold it all in obedience to what they feel God has called them to do.  Their earthly security is gone.  I am sure they feel inadequate at times, but I also know them well enough to know they trust God with it.  I look forward to seeing what God has planned for them.

     In terms of special needs ministry, I guess what stands out to me the most is to serve with open hands.  You never know who God wants you to touch and you never know who is going to touch you in a way that changes you forever.  There are so many people that have changed my perspective on life, people, and God.  If I hadn't had my "crisis of belief" I would have missed out on so much.  

     I think we all would agree that we shouldn't go to an amusement park and stand outside the gates watching all of the fun.  We shouldn't go to a church and just stand outside the door while people are inside growing and sharing community.  We also should not stand before God without experiencing who He is.  Get to know God, believe in Him, walk with Him, and enjoy everything He has planned for you! 

"When God does exceptional things..." Blackaby

    I have been sharing excerpts from the book, Experiencing God, by Henry and Richard Blackaby.  This book has influenced me in ministry and in my understanding of God greatly.  

     Sixteen years ago God told us to serve in special needs ministry, but we felt incredibly inadequate.  Chapter 4 made a lasting impression on me, however.  It says, 

     "When God does exceptional things through unexceptional people, then others recognize that only God could have done it.  If you feel weak, limited, and ordinary, take heart!  You are the best material through which God can work!

     Having skills, education, training, and experience can certainly be valuable, but the danger lies in the fact that we may rely on those things rather than God.  When are hands are empty, we are much more likely to rely on God.  Answer God's calling on your life and then trust God to equip you and use His power to do amazing things. 

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us,   to him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever!  Amen.                Ephesians 3:19-21

     

Experiencing God, Chapter 3

     Chapter 3 of Experiencing God gets down to the basics.  Nothing we do for God will really matter if we aren't in a close relationship with Him.  Sometimes it is easy to get side tracked by serving God and we forget to love God.  Just as we shouldn't spend all of our time doing things for our kids without taking the time to be with them, enjoy them, listen to them, and tell them we love them, we shouldn't do that to God either.  Blackaby says, "God is far more interested in a love relationship with you than He is in what you do for Him.  His desire is for you to love Him."
         At the same time, God doesn't just have a "Honey Do" list for you, He wants a relationship with you.  "The Lord doesn't send us off like an errand boy.  He intends to accompany us on the journey."
     In our society it is easy to get wrapped in a plan.  I have prepared "a plan" for so many areas of my life and ministry has been one of those.  We have education and information at our fingertips.  We have all kinds of goal setting tools at our fingertips.  I love the quote from Blackaby, "If God were to give you a specific plan for your life, you would likely put your focus on the plan rather than on Him.  God does not want your life to depend on a plan or an income or a person or anything else.  He wants you to trust Him."
     As Bill and I have served in ministry we have learned to not expect an extensive plan.  God wants us to trust Him and walk the road with Him.  He will tell us what we need to know when we need to know it. 

Be Ready to Believe God and to Trust Him Completely

     In the second chapter of Experiencing God, Blackaby gives us all the confidence we need.  Blackaby says, "Once you've heard God speak, you don't need to continue waiting to seek other alternatives.  You need to proceed with confidence based on what God said."

     If you feel that God has laid it on your heart to begin serving those with special needs in your faith community, stop questioning and go for it!  God will equip you with everything you need.  Blackaby also says, "Whenever God directs you, you will never have to question His will.  He knows what He is going to do."

     I love God!  He has a way of continuing to nudge us until we start doing what He is asking us to do.    Half the battle is listening to God and then telling Him you are willing to do what He asked.  After that, "You must believe He will enable and equip you to do everything He asks you to do.  Don't second-guess Him.  Simply take Him at His word.  Turn to Him for the power, insight, skill, and resources required."  If you have a child in your church with special needs and you are serving them, you have a special needs ministry.  If you trust God He will enable and equip you to do what He has asked, then you will be well on your road to building a ministry.

     Blackaby concludes the second chapter with the following, "The fact is, either we believe God is all-powerful or we don't.  When you declare it's impossible for you to do what God told you to do, you show your doubts about how powerful God really is.  It is one thing to believe in God's power, it is quite another to live your life in obedient response to an all-powerful God."

     Over the last 16 years Bill and I have had to learn a lot.  We have made mistakes and I am sure we have been in God's way at times.  However, God has also provided the power, insight, skill and resources we have needed along the way.  Answer whatever calling God has laid on your heart and then see what happens.  I am so incredibly grateful for the ways God has included us in His plan and let us have front row seats!

     

What Is God Asking You To Do?

I am currently rereading one of my favorite books that has had the most impact on my life, besides the Bible.  It is Experiencing God, by Henry and Richard Blackaby.  The first time I read it, it helped me to look back over my life and see what God had prepared for me to do.  This time, I am reading it in light of what He has prepared for me to do...special needs ministry.

In the preface it says, "From that point on I no longer attempted to set the agenda for my life.  My only goal was to do God's will, whatever that might be."  Later is says, "I also discovered that every time God told me to do something - no matter how difficult it might appear - He always enabled me to accomplish what He asked."  When my father died ten years ago I promised God then that I would do whatever He asked me to do.  He has had me do some interesting things over the last ten years, but I have to say it has been an incredible experience and yes, He has always enabled me to accomplish what He asked.  

I know some of you that follow my blog are afraid of starting a special needs ministry for a variety of reasons.  Maybe you feel unequipped or too busy or afraid.  My husband and I were too, but we have changed so much from this experience.  It is such a blessing to follow God in His will!

In the Introduction, Blackaby shares, "As you relate to Him, God will invite you to join in His activity where He is already at work.  When you obey what God tells you, He will accomplish through you things only He can do.  As the Lord works in and through your life, you will come to know Him ever more closely."

If you are reading my blog, you probably have some connection to someone with a disability.  In light of ministry and the special needs community,

• What has God prepared you to do?
• What is God asking you to do?
• How do you think God will equip you?

For Bill and I... God has given us training experience here in Austin.  He is asking us to reach out to cities in other states that are desiring training.  God has not given us the whole plan, but He is giving us direction on a daily basis.  He is equipping us by reminding us that we need to look to Him and trust Him on a daily basis.  Every experience He gives us equips us for the next step.

Training Summary

It has been a great weekend doing what we love to do!  Yesterday we held a five hour training on special needs ministry.  We had three different churches represented, along with an unexpected blessing of a Rabbi from a local Jewish faith community.  It is so encouraging to have people come together to ask questions, share ideas, and obtain tools and skills to serve those in our community with special needs.  It is also a blessing to be able to talk about something I am so passionate about.

Today we met with buddies and families in our church home to talk about the role of the buddy in the classroom, what it is, and what it isn't.  As people introduced themselves I was impressed by how the diversity of the buddies has grown and changed.  We have had an increased number of youth serving, as well as trained medical professionals.  Having the youth serve is exciting because they are truly the ones that can help change the culture of a church.  They are the ones that can most affect change concerning the perceptions the youth have of peers with special needs.  We challenged the buddies and the families they are serving to get together over the next month to get to know each other and share ideas on how to make the church experience more meaningful for the children in the ministry.

Over the next couple of weeks I will be posting some resources I hope will be helpful:

• Information for families to share with their buddies
• Information for buddies to share with their families
• Resources and links for families with a recent diagnosis
• Camp locations and financial resources

If you have other ideas and needs that you would like to see posted on this blog, please let us know!

What Is The Reasonable Accommodation?

     I have so many wonderful memories of my dad.  He was a pastor when I was a young child, and later served as the Deputy Director for Equal Employment Opportunity Commission.  When I was a senior in high school I would walk down to the bus stop every once and awhile to greet my dad and walk home with him.  One day I went to meet dad (it makes me smile to even think about it). He got off the bus with a doll in his arms.  He said, "I bought this for you today.  I wanted you to have an African American doll."  I was 18 at the time, but it sure touched me that he bought it for me.  Dad cared about how I viewed the world and he wanted to make sure that I had a love for all of God's people.

     As we would walk home, we would talk about our day, but on more than one occasion, he would tell me a story about someone that had been discriminated against in the employment arena due to a disability.  He would share a scenario and then turn and ask me, "What would the reasonable accommodation be to give them a job?"  At the time I could never think of a solution, but Dad always had one.  

     Dad was always very discrete, but would share hypothetical situations with me to see if I could come up with a solution.  I remember one story he shared with me, because it left a big impression on me.  He shared a story about a young man that applied for a clerk typist job and was denied an interview because he didn't have any arms.  I couldn't figure out how he could do the job.  Dad said, "All they needed to do was put the typewriter on the floor.  He could type 60 words a minute with his toes!"

     Several years later, after college, I rode the bus downtown with Dad to my job.  We would talk all the way there and all the way back.  He always challenged and broadened my thinking.  I am grateful  those conversations have stayed with me.  Now when I look at my students, I think about what the reasonable accommodation would be for them.  Quite frankly, I am comfortable with the "unreasonable accommodations" as well if they help people get what they need to be successful.

     Have you ever considered that you may have held someone back because you didn't think a little longer to find an accommodation that would work for them?  Have you ever thought about accommodations that have been made for you in order for you to be successful?

     

Dear God, help me to think bigger than the way I do things.  Help me to dream bigger for those around me?  Help me to see my own challenges in a way that can bring glory to you.

Two Exciting Events...

     On Wednesday, October 17th from 9AM to 3PM, the First Annual Austin Interfaith Inclusion Network Symposium will be held at the Jewish Community Center.  It will be held in the Community Hall on 7300 Hart Lane.

     The symposium will feature "national experts, a local interfaith clergy panel, and opportunities to learn and network with others who have been impacted by disabilities and are committed to creating an inclusive faith community in Austin."

     The other event is a free film screening here in Austin, "A Place For All: Faith and Community For Persons with Disabilities."  The film will be shown at the Utopia Theater, School of Social Work, University of Texas at Austin.  1925 San Jacinto Blvd.  Austin, Texas 78712.  The film will be shown Wednesday October 10, 2012 from 6 pm to 8 pm.  Light food and refreshments will be served.  There is a parking lot available on the corner of MLK and San Jacinto.

    It is exciting to see different faith communities come together to support those affected by disabilities.

I hope to see you there!

     Throughout my life, and especially in the last 15 years, the friends I have known with disabilities were born with them.  I have been with friends when they were given diagnoses for their children that would change the course of their lives forever, both the child and the parents.  The parents had to adjust to the fact that their child's struggles would be visible from the start and their lives were going to look differently than they had planned.  I have watched parents grieve as their child would never reach the milestone their peers just did.  I have watched them cry as they worry about their child's future.  The path they are on is a different path than they would have chosen, but there are many beautiful experiences along the way, even though it is different.

     Tonight my heart is heavy for the people who have challenges come their way later in life.  They have lived their lives a certain way until it is suddenly interrupted and forever changed either through a debilitating disease, accident or some other cause.  I have watched firsthand the challenges that can occur and my heart goes out to them.

     What hits me the most is that you never know what some one's story is.  When you see someone in a wheelchair or missing limbs or unable  to speak, they have a story.  Most of us have been taught not to stare and consequently, we don't even take the time to get to know someone with a disability.  

     The other day a parent of one of my former students shared with me that her daughter saw a little boy in a wheelchair and she looked up at her mom and said, "Mom, he has a cool wheelchair!"  Isn't that awesome?  I love the way kids think :)

     I remember quite a few years ago I had a hard time understanding mental illness and was afraid of it until I met someone that would change my life.  He was a young man with schizophrenia.  At first, I didn't even think about what his story might be, but God kept him in my life until I did.  I loved hearing about his childhood, his knowledge, his gifts, and his insecurities.  My life has been changed from having met him and hearing his story.

     My challenge this week is to meet someone new with a disability and hear their story.  I will let you know what happens...

"Living Shoes" is here!

One of my lifelong dreams has been to write and publish a book for my children and grandchildren.  I started writing poetry in high school and then wrote Living Shoes about 15 years ago.

This year my pre-K class and I started a month long unit on "How To Be a Friend To Someone With a Disability" by Joni Eareckson Tada.  Through our month of study we learned about a variety of disabilities and challenges.

Before the unit started we read the book The Butterfly Effect by Andy Andrews.  It is a small but powerful book about the amazing effect one person can have just by starting a chain reaction.  I challenged the parents of my students to support their children in raising money for "Joni and Friends" and their "Wheels for the World" program.  The kids came up with creative ideas to raise money for wheelchairs to be refurbished and distributed around the world.  They sacrificed so much that they were able to raise over $3,000 last spring.  A butterfly was hung on the wall for every dollar that was raised.  It was such a blessing to watch the effect of this spread throughout the school.  I contributed what I could, but I wanted to do more.  It seemed to be the right time to print my book and add to the "butterfly effect." A dollar from each sale of Living Shoes will be added in honor of my students and to help provide accessibility to those with physical disabilities.

Living Shoes is written for children, but has a message for adults as well.  When a little girl visits her great-aunt's house for the first time, she notices a shelf full of shoes and asks her aunt about them.  Aunt Judy replies with, "Those shoes teach me how to live."  Then she shares the story behind each pair and the valuable lesson they teach.

In addition, the proceeds from Living Shoes will help fund the printing of my next book, Living Grace.  In this book, I share my husband's and my journey in special needs ministry.  My hope is to encourage the church to welcome, embrace, and support the special needs community.

Living Shoes is available for $12.97 (including tax).  If you are interested in purchasing one, please contact me through Facebook or my blog:  

www://specialneeds-deana.blogspot.com.  Thank you so much.

Blessings-

Deana

"BEHIND EVERY PAIR OF SHOES...
Behind every pair of shoes there is a story.  When I was a little girl, my father and I played a game when we went shopping.  We would run off to the shoe department and my father would pick out a pair of shoes.  He would ask me what family member the shoes were most like and I would try to guess the relative they portrayed.  Then it would be my turn to choose a pair of shoes and he would guess. We would try to choose the most outrageous shoes we could find.  Every selection seemed to trigger an old family story and we would get lost in reminiscing.  We had a great time and never seemed to tire of playing it.

This little game gave me the idea for the book, Living Shoes.  Since those early years of childhood, I have looked at shoes differently.  There is a story behind every pair!"

Dedicated to the students and families of Columbine High School and to Kyle Albert Velasquez

     This morning was my last day in Colorado for a little while.  I really wanted to spend the morning on top of a mountain with God before heading back to Austin.  I decided it was too far of a drive so I ended up at the Columbine Memorial.  I graduated from Columbine 32 years ago so it has a special place in my heart.  

     When I arrived at the park I had a little bit of a hike to get to the memorial.  When I got there I was completely alone.  Soon a man from Atlanta came and was paying his respects.  As I walked through the memorial I was overwhelmed again by the number of people that suffered loss that day.  I went through the memorial reading tribute after tribute of the people that lost their lives.  I was especially moved by the memorial of Kyle Albert Velasquez which read, 

     "A young man, who as a child struggled with developmental delays and learning disabilities.  He knew his limitations, yet wanted to be like every other kid.  He was just beginning to really like who he was.  Kyle taught those who loved him so much about unconditional love, compassion, forgiveness, perseverance, and acceptance.  He was a true friend to those who chose to take the time to know him.  He loved his brother Daniel, the family cats, ice cream, pizza, and riding his bike.  He spent his time at home with his family watching sports with dad and going to the library with mom.  Kyle had been a student at Columbine only three months and was just beginning to spread his wings.  The world around him was beginning to open up for a young boy who had struggled through school and life.  But, through all his delays and difficulties, he always smiled, forgave, and saw the GOOD in those around him.

     Kyle was and is very much loved.  He will always be missed and never forgotten."

     I was so moved by his story that I started writing it down to share with you.  As I was writing, I looked to my left and a young man with Down Syndrome was suddenly by my side.  He extended his hand to me and introduced himself as "Chris."  He said, "I have come to pay my respects.  Then his eyes started to water and he said, "Kids should not have to deal with this.  It is wrong."  I introduced myself to him and then he started introducing me to some of his friends who had followed him in.  I shook their hands and got to know them a little bit.  Chris shared a little bit about his life with me and that he serves at his church as an usher.  

     I shared with Chris about our ministry and that we were hoping to provide training in March for the Denver area.  Then he and his coach started sharing all kinds of churches for me to contact that would be interested.

      Just as quickly as Chris had appeared, he was quickly gone.  My eyes kept watering up as I thought about all the ways God had gone before me.  I looked at Kyle's memorial again and the things people had left out of love by the memorials.  There were ribbons, bracelets, kerchiefs, and Bibles.  I wanted to leave something for Kyle, but wasn't sure what.  I looked down at the Bible I was holding and saw the beautiful bookmark that one of my students had made to raise money for a wheelchair for a child that needed one.  I tucked Suzy's bookmark underneath the ribbon and knew that Suzy would be pleased.  It represented Suzy's love and compassion, as well as all of her classmates.

     The Columbine Memorial is full of pain and sorrow, but it also represents life and how we shouldn't take it for granted.  So many of the quotes there are beautiful, but I would like to close with this one,

     

"Rather than a loss of innocence, I've got to hope that something like this encourages us to be better people."

     I feel like God blessed me with two angels today, Kyle and Chris.  I am so grateful.

Upcoming Opportunities

Next week I will be heading to Denver for some rest and relaxation on a mountaintop and to finish the book I have been working on for a couple of years about special needs ministry.  I plan to start the editing process the 1st of September and have the book available the first part of 2013.

While I am in Denver, I will be meeting with some churches in hopes of setting up training for the Denver area in the spring.  I hope there will be plenty of open doors as Bill and I would love to share about the incredible blessing of serving in special needs ministry in our hometown.

Yesterday I bought tickets for my little "R&R" trip to Colorado in a few weeks.  Colorado represents serenity, peace, calmness, hope, "God moments,"wonderful memories and a sense of "Going home."  I lived in Colorado from the ages of 12 to 31, which represent some powerful stages of my life.  I graduated from Columbine High School in 1980.

This morning I read some articles about the tragic shooting at the Aurora movie theatre.  It is so easy to feel overwhelming sadness over the events of that day and then move on.  But that day changed so many lives forever.  I was reading an article about a young woman that was shot in the neck and abdomen and lost her six year-old daughter.  And now, she has lost the baby in her womb.  She is also facing paralysis and a"lifetime of care."

So many people's lives were changed...victims, family, friends and even strangers.  When we see someone with a disability we have no idea what their story is or what the events were that lead to their situation.  In addition, we have no idea what the story is behind any person, whatever their ability is.   We all have to walk in grace and extend it to those we meet.

As I continued reading about the Aurora tragedy, a beautiful song came to mind.  If I could say anything to the broken hearted in Colorado, it would be this...

You'll Never Walk Alone
R. Rogers/O. Hammerstein II


When you walk through a storm
Hold your head up high
And don't be afraid of the dark


At the end of the storm
Is a golden sky
And the sweet silver song of the lark


Walk on through the wind
Walk on through the rain
Though your dreams be tossed and blown


Walk on walk on with hope in your heart
And you'll never walk alone
You'll never walk alone


When you walk through a storm
Hold your head up high
And don't be afraid of the dark


At the end of the storm
Is a golden sky
And the sweet silver song of the lark


Walk on through the wind
Walk on through the rain
Though your dreams be tossed and blown


Walk on walk on with hope in your heart
And you'll never walk alone
You'll never walk


You'll never walk
You'll never walk alone.


May our friends in Colorado feel the depth of Christ's love and the support of people throughout the nation.

We Are Really Not So Different...

A couple of weeks ago Bill and I had the great pleasure of having dinner with two young ladies from a nearby country.  One of the young ladies is interested in starting a special needs ministry in her church.  She was such an encouragement.  She has so many great ideas and so much compassion for those with special needs challenges.

Her brother was born with Down Syndrome and later dealt with the challenges of leukemia.  He suffered so many hardships, but always had a smile on his face and was such a blessing to those around him.  I watched an inspiring video of his life and was very touched by it.  He went home to be with the Lord a couple of years ago.

It was interesting to discover that I have more misconceptions about her country than I realized.  I shared some of the impressions I had of the country in respect to attitudes about the disabled.  From that

discussion, I realized that things are pretty much the same there as they are here.  You will find pockets of people that isolate or even shun the disabled.  You will find pockets of people that believe the disability is due to a spiritual deficit, and you will find families that are desperate for their loved ones to be accepted, embraced, and loved.  This is true in the United States as well.

Some battles have been won, but the war is not over.  We have a long way to go.  As Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. once said,


"Lord, we ain't what we oughta be;
We ain't what we wanna be;
We ain't what we're gonna be;
But thank God we ain't what we was! "

I am so thankful for the good changes that have happened.  It has been 22 years since the "Americans With Disabilities Act" was passed.  Programs in schools have become more inclusive and are offering a better education to all of its students.  More churches are supporting those with disabilities.  Lets take a moment to give thanks for the improvements that have been made and then lets get busy!

50 Caregivers and the Lessons They Have Taught Me

This half of my 100th post is dedicated to 50 incredible caregivers and the things they have taught me.  They are truly amazing people created with dedicated compassion.

1.  Mom:  Give your loved one the desires of their heart.
2.  Carol:  Be willing to sacrifice to be there for your loved one.
3.  Katie: Keep your loved ones memory alive.
4.  Grandpa Gossom:  Remember and cherish the good times.
5.  Laurie:  Let your faith carry you and sustain you.
6.  Shirley: You can love with service.  You can love with sacrifice.  You can also love with laughter.
7.  Tameka:  Keep your emotions in tact, but love with every ounce of your being
8.  Bill:  When it comes to the hard decisions, do what you need to in order to protect your loved one and give them 
     the best life you can.
9.  Marilyn:  Bring out the best in your loved one
10.  Laura:  The road of caregiving is long, but the blessing is endless
11.  Debbie: When you need to be tough, be tough.  When you need to be compassionate, be compassionate, but
        always be positive.
12.  Wendy:  Be sure to take some special time out for the siblings of the child with special needs.
13.  Kim:  Help fulfill the dreams of your loved one and show them a great time.
14.  Carolanne:  Love with everything you have, but be willing to let your loved one have independence and trust 
       that God will take care of them.
15.  Uncle RC:  People have handicaps, but don't be the one that disables them.
16.  Ken:  Serve in whatever way you need to with humility and grace.
17.  Anne:  Keep searching until you find a way that reaches your loved one.
18.  Ken:  Let God use your circumstances to draw you closer to Him.
19.  Sarah:  Don't count the cost, just love.
20.  David and Beth:  Work together as a team and pull your spouse up when you need to.
21.  "A friend:"  Share the ups and the downs and laugh together when you discover that secret tattoo!
22.  Dad's nurse: "Don't avoid any emotion.  Walk right through the middle of it.  This will be the easier way"
23.  Christi:  Introduce your loved one to mentors that will empower them, not pity them.
24.  Heidi:  Keep looking for more and different ways to share the gospel with your loved one.
25.  David:  Take the time to look into their eyes.
26.  Amy:  Love them the way Christ loves you.
27.  Melanie:  When your best friend has suffered great loss, be there for them, encourage them and hold their heart for
        awhile.
28.  Gayle:  "Don't take things personally" and "Whatever you give, God will give you back so much more."
29.  Michelle:  "Don't feel guilty when you take some time for yourself.  You need to do it."
30.  Paul:  Keep life as normal as possible.
31.  Me:  Be honest with yourself.  When you need some time, take some.  When you are reenergized serve with all 
       you've got.
32.  Ethna:  Be your loved one's best friend and tell people their story.
33.  Barbara:  Be willing to do what you need to support your loved one.
34.  Jana:  Go the distance for your loved one.
35.  Julie:  Find your loved one's interests, talents, and gifts and then find a way for them to share them.
36.  Stacie:  Be ready to serve in ministry and help others as a result of your experience.
37.  Amy:  Be strong and do what you need to do.
38.  Ann:  Enjoy every moment while you can.
39.  Joe:  Be willing to let others serve and bless you as you walk the journey of caregiving.
40.  Me:  Always say, "I love you."  Do whatever is meaningful for your loved one.  Say good-bye when it is time.
41.  Don:  Honor your vows:  "To have and to hold, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health,
        till death do us part."
42.  Stephanie:  You always have something you can do for your loved one....PRAY!
43.  Vonda:  Do the extras to make your loved one feel special.
44.  Marti:  She travels four hours to give a massage to her friend with cancer....what a gift!
45.  Rebecca:  She used every opportunity to share about the goodness of God.
46.  Lisa:  She shared that you WILL make it through the hard stuff.
47.  Daniel:  He put his health on the life to save his brother.
48.  Anonymous:  Sometimes the whole family needs to love on the caregivers to keep them strong.
49.  Steffani:  She remembers the little things that mean a lot.  That makes them huge!
50.  Tim:  Celebrate remissions with a GREAT BIG PARTY!  

My 100th Post

I just realized this is my 100th post, so it needs to be pretty special!  Over the last year I have shared my heart with you in hopes that you will want to reach out to a powerful community of people that will truly touch your life.

I want to share the 100 people that have touched my life and the lessons they have graciously taught me.  Here are the first 50!

1.  Dad (dyslexia and cancer) taught me that you can still do what you need to; it just might have to
     be done in a different way
2.  Mom (cancer, diabetes, Gion Barre) taught me how to be a survivor
3.  Helen (deaf and blind) taught me that you can overcome any challenge
4.  Joni (quadriplegic) taught me how to use your greatest "weakness" for God's glory
5.  Grandma Gossom (cancer of larynx) taught me how to love even when others react with
      fear
6.   Brother Larry (dyslexia, cerebral palsy, renal cancer) taught me to keep the faith
     even during your toughest challenges
7.  Tim (epilepsy) taught me to focus on the well being of others rather than the challenges of your
      day
8.  Trisha (blessed with eternal youth) taught me how to hug with sincerity :)
9.  Julia taught me that joy can be a lot of purpose for a young lady
10.  Ralph (blind) taught me how powerfully he can pray
11.  Kim (CP, autism, epilepsy) taught me that a great poet and artist could be missed if no one takes
       the time to display the talent
12.  Hilary (blessed with eternal youth) taught me how to laugh and do whatever God asks
13.  Vika taught me that someone can be handicapped but I could be the one that disables them
14.  Katie (cerebral palsy) taught me to give people tools, not road blocks
15.  Abbi (autism)  taught me to greet everyone with a gentle touch
16.  Gracie (stroke victim) taught me that your dreams can come true
17.  Hellen (mental illness) taught me to share your talents whenever and wherever you can
18.  Brother-in-law Jim (Type I diabetes) taught me how to always smile at life
19.  Clay (traumatic brain injury) taught me to never give up
20.  Joshua (deaf and blind) taught me what worship truly is
21.  Brandon (Angelman's Syndrome) taught me to laugh, really laugh
22.  Colby, (Fragile X) taught me that there is a beautiful picture around every corner
23.  Basil (autism) taught me to slow down and enjoy the moments
24.  Morgan (autism) taught me that brilliance comes in many forms
25.  Jabe (spina bifida) taught me to share all the things you can do rather than focus on the things
       you can't
26.  Nick ("Life Without Limbs") taught me that "confidence in the Lord" is a powerful tool when
       we are willing to use it
27.  Tony (born without arms) taught me to tell your story in hopes that it can change someone's life
28.  Norma (MS) you don't have to be able to walk to walk in grace
29.  Megan (Down Syndrome) taught me that behind every amazing young lady is an amazing
       family
30.  Barbara (dementia) taught me what forgiveness and strength are
31.  Charlie (physical dysmorphic features) taught me that all children long for love, smiles, and to
       be sung to
32.  Jaime (deaf) taught me to keep pursuing your dreams even when the world is discouraging
33.  Rebecca (brain tumor) taught me to give it all to God and expect a miracle!
34.  Sam (deaf) taught me that children love to play no matter what their challenge is
35.  Corey (blessed with eternal youth) taught me that I would have to study the Bible a very long  
       time to know it as well as she does
36.  "Michael" (schizophrenic) showed me what a beautiful person he is  
37.  Bryce (autism) taught me to be willing to enter his world first and then he would come into
       mine
38.  Nathan (autism, cerebral palsy) taught me that sometimes you have to listen with your heart
       and not just your ears
39.  Joan (wheelchair bound) taught me to greet everyone with a smile
40.  Joanne (wheelchair bound) taught me that you can always serve, no matter how many
       physical challenges you have
41.  Russell (autism) taught me to laugh and have a great time :)
42. David (Parkinson's) taught me to let God use whatever challenge you have for His glory
43.  Frances (stroke) taught me to work hard and do whatever it takes to recover
44.  Great-Grandpa Moser (old age of 106) taught me to work hard as long as you can
45.  Cameron (cerebral palsy) taught me how to improve my communication skills so I
       wouldn't miss anything
46.  Beverly (quadriplegic) taught me to always look for God's perspective
47.  Riley (autism)  there are not enough words to express what he has taught me.  ENJOY LIFE!
48.  Jimmie (Down Syndrome)  I never met him, but I can see the wonderful impact he made on    
       world by having met his sister
49.  Emma taught me how important it is for everyone to serve and use the gifts God has given            
       them, otherwise, we miss out on way too much
50.  Kim (breast cancer survivor) taught me how to be honest about the journey, how to rely on
       God, and to make the road easier for someone else by sharing your story

Variety, The Children's Charity of Texas

Last week I had the great pleasure of meeting with Sara Record, Executive Assistant to the President/CEO Randall Hester, of "Variety, The Children's Charity of Texas."  It was a delight and encouragement to listen to Sara's heart for children with special needs and the wonderful vision behind this non-profit organization.

As stated on their website, "Variety has been committed to empowering children with special needs throughout Texas since 1936."  It also states,  "We believe that every child with special needs deserves the chance to reach their potential regardless of their physical or social limitations.  We don't want you to feel sorry for the kiddos with special circumstances, we want you to help us empower them."

Not only can you see the commitment to empower children with special needs in Sara's face, but you can see it in the programs that Variety offers.  They offer a variety of ways to empower children including special equipment such as wheelchairs, swings, adaptive bicycles and tricycles for children with special needs.  They also provide holiday parties, tickets to baseball games, and holiday screenings to upcoming movies.  In addition, they have recently merged with "Peaceable Kingdom Retreat" to offer camp for children from a variety of backgrounds and circumstances.  The camp offers a complete movie theatre and is building an equestrian center.

I encourage you to visit their website to learn more about their history, vision, and programs.  There are a variety of ways to become involved.  If you have a child with special needs, I encourage you to look at the website's application for available services.  Their website is www.varietytexas.org for more information.

"Life: That's Amazing!"

Here is another poem from Hope Through Heartsongs, by Mattie J.T. Stepanek

Life:  That's Amazing!

When it is nighttime,
I get my nebulizer and All my medicines,
I got to the bathroom and brush my teeth,
I put on my pajamas and heart monitor,
And untangle my oxygen-mustache
So I get my special breathing wind.
When I am in my bed,
My mommy will read me a book,
And say my prayers with me.
She will kiss me and hug me and tuck me in,
And then turn on my Mommy-Songs tape.
When I close my eyes,
I go to sleep and dream and dream,
Or I go to sleep and do not dream.
When it is morning,
I wake up.
I am alive, and
I am breathing, and
I am a real boy.
That's amazing!

October 1993

"Life Is Like..."

One of my favorite gifts we have given volunteers is a book of poetry, Hope Through Heartsongs, by Matthew J.T. Stepanek, best known as "Mattie."  Mattie went to heaven in 2004.  He wrote this poem when he was just ten years old.

Life is like a story book...
Although we aren't
Able to talk with
Dragons and fly far into space,
Each day is like
A new chapter,
With new lessons
For our lives.
Life is like a dream...
Although we don't
Know what kind of
Reverie we will have,
Each day is like
A new thought,
With new hopes
For our lives.
Life is like a great waiting...
Although we can't
Realize when or how,
Each day is like
A new chance,
With new opportunities
For our lives.
As we travel and learn
And think and hope
And chance opportunities
In each day of our lives,
We must understand
That anytime
Could be the Time
That we face the fact of Heaven,
And never have to fear again,
So each day,
We should live out
The great dream and story
That our lives are waiting to be...
For we know
And we are able
And we realize that
Life is like
Whatever we create it to be.

August 2000


"Mattie's struggle with a rare form of muscular dystrophy has not diminished his ability to see light and hope in each individual and in the world."

the day Daddy died

     It was a cool November day and Thanksgiving had passed.   I sat in my favorite chair with my feet propped up and just stared out the window for what seemed like minutes but it was actually an hour.  I knew what I needed to get up and do but I just didn’t have the strength.

     I called my brother at the hospital fully expecting him to tell me that Dad had passed away in the night but instead he told me that Dad was still with us.  At this point I was completely numb.  In order to take my mind off things I called an old friend in Houston.

     As soon as Cindy knew it was me she asked me how my dad was.  I told her and her immediate response was, “Why aren’t you with your dad?”  I told her that I just couldn’t relive the hardest goodbye of my life.  “I can’t say goodbye again.”  Cindy said, “Get off the phone right now and go be with you dad or you will regret this for the rest of your life.”  I knew Cindy was right.  I took a deep breath and started getting ready to go up to the hospital.

     As I walked into the hospital room I saw the dearest and sweetest man I have ever known lying in bed.  He still looked like Santa Clause with his white hair and full white beard but there was no longer a twinkle in his eyes.  He just laid there looking very tired.  I leaned over to kiss him and stroke his hair and he whispered, “Trust God.”  Those were the only words I had heard my dad say for the last several days but he had said them many times.

     None of us knew what to do that day.  What do you do when someone you love is exhausted, doesn’t eat anymore, and is waiting to die?  Part of me wanted to just shake him and beg him to keep trying, to eat, and to overcome the cancer racking his body, but all I could say was, “Daddy, you are so tired, aren’t you?”

     Suddenly I was interrupted by the nurse that wanted to give Dad a sponge bath.  I so wanted to stay by his side but quietly left the room.  I knew Dad would hate this.  He was a prideful man that wouldn’t want to be taken care of in this manner.  I knew he was sick because he didn’t say a word.

     I saw that Dad’s brother, my uncle Dan, had just arrived to see Dad and pay his last respects.  I hugged him as hard as I could because he looked so much like Dad and was such a symbol of life rather than death.  We went to have a cup of coffee and laughed about old times together.  We continued to share old stories as we went up the elevator and walked to Dad’s room to see how he was doing.  By then the room was pretty full with my mom, brothers and sisters-in-law and husband, Bill.  We all gathered around the bed telling stories and laughing together.  

     I thought to myself, “Is this respectful? With this thought I looked down to see Dad’s labored breathing.  Bill was standing next to me and gently said, “Georgia” to my mother.  She started crying as Dad drew his last breath and she kissed him on the forehead.  We all instinctively grabbed each other’s hand and Bill started to pray as Dad headed into heaven.  This was truly one of the most spiritual moments of my life.  Dad had the pleasure of seeing me ushered into life and I had the privilege of being with him as he was ushered into eternal life.  I have never experienced anything so powerful.      I brushed his hair one last time with tears running down my face and kissed him on his forehead.  Then once again, I was ushered out of the room so the nurse could clean him up.  I wished she didn’t have to do that.

     In the midst of something so spiritual and beautiful were the realities of this life.  His eyes had to be closed because he could no longer do it, his body had to be cleaned up and prepared for burial and all of his belongings he no longer needed had to be packed up.  The poster his granddaughters had made encouraging him to get better was packed up.  The flowers and cards from friends were packed up.  As the coroner came into his room, we left to go home and weep.

     I never wept so hard.  I was so sick to my stomach that I thought I would never be well again.  The nausea lasted for days, then weeks, then months, and then even years.  I felt as though my hero was gone and would never return.

     One of Dad’s favorite songs played at his funeral was, “How Great Thou Art.”  God used that song to minister to me so many times in the months that followed his death.  On the days that I was at my lowest, that song would suddenly be played in church or on the radio.  It was heartbreaking, yet soothing.

     On one of my lowest days, I had prayed that God or Dad would just give me a sign that would make me feel close to Dad.  I had gone out shopping to try to take my mind off of things.  I went into one of my favorite stores and saw a young woman that I recognized but I didn’t know where from.  I kept an eye on her as she traveled throughout the store, hoping that I would remember soon.  All of a sudden, the young woman turned and saw me.  She immediately ran over to me and said hello.  She was so excited and asked me how Dad was.  She could tell I was a little surprised and then said, “I was your dad’s nurse for awhile.”  I told her that Dad had passed away a couple of weeks ago.  She was surprised and sad.  She said,  “I really thought he was going to make it.”

      Then she proceeded to tell me that Dad had changed her life.  I asked her how and she said, “Every night when I was taking care of your dad he would quote scripture to me.  And he always ended with ‘You have been blessed to be a blessing.’”  I started sharing what he told me to my husband every night.  He began to ask me, ‘What did the old man say today?’  Then I started sharing everything with my little girl and she would ask me, ‘What did the old man say today?’  He changed my perspective and changed my life.”  

     That is what I needed to hear that day.  I needed to know that Dad mattered to people and that Dad lived on.  The day he died I just wanted the world to stop for a few minutes but it didn’t.  In fact, I walked out to the lobby of the hospital soon after he died and they were putting up Christmas decorations.  I wanted to grab all of them and beg everyone to let me mourn and mourn with me.   Didn’t they understand that I had just lost one of the most important people in my life?  The nurse, at least, reminded me that Dad was still making an impact.

     It has been a number of years now and I know Dad’s legacy lives on.  I see it in his wife, his sons, his grandchildren, and in his great-grandchildren.  Every day I think about Dad and there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t try to live out what he taught me.

Ideas for Ministering to Parents

I often share ideas about ministering to children with special needs, but thought I would take a minute to share some ideas for the parents that need support.  Over the years we held a variety of outreach and ministry events.  Here are 25 ideas to get started:

• Family Picnic
• Parents Only Potluck
• Parents Prom Night
• Parents Game Night (just for fun!)
• Parents Night Out (they go out for the evening)
• Parenting Class (how to modify traditional parenting courses to the family with special needs)
• Have a superintendent, administrator, counselor, or teacher talk about "How to Fight for the Rights of Your Child While Keeping Your Christian Witness"
• Have parents of older children share their story on how to keep the family intact
• Have a speaker on keeping the marriage strong
• Have someone speak on independence options for the adult child with special needs
• Have someone speak on financial issues, wills, etc for the family with special needs
• Have someone speak on "How to Have an Effective ARD Meeting"
• Have a speaker on adult children with special needs and navigating adulthood (employment, dating, etc.)
• Have a variety of speakers on autism, Down Syndrome, sensory integration, etc.
• Have a speaker on "How to Meet the Needs of Siblings"
• Have a speaker on "Resources Available to the Family With Special Needs"
• Have speakers on behavior modification, restraint, and calming techniques
• Provide a resource fair for families
• Provide a day of effective workshops for families
• Provide a lending library available to families with a variety of resources and encouraging books
• Have a fine arts evening where students can display their artwork, poetry, etc.
• Have a talent show
• Have an evening of celebration (anniversary, something God has done, change in leadership, facility addition)
• Ladies Night (a speaker addressing the specific needs of mothers)
• Men's Night (a speaker addressing the specific needs of dads)

I hope these ideas spur on some evenings of great ministry.  If you have some ideas to share I would love to read them!

Blessings,

Deana

Updating Ministry

In the Special Needs Ministry we have had three different classrooms for some time.  We have one for the younger and/or more fragile children, one for older/more active children and one for adults.

Our classroom for the younger and/or more fragile children, King's Kids A, has been relatively easy.  We have an incredibly committed and skilled teacher who has served for over ten years.  Her biggest goal has been to be able to share the gospel with the children and she has through music, worship, prayer, and Bible stories.  She uses nursery and preschool Sunday School lessons and combines it with interactive manipulative's to help the children stay focused and connected to her.  I love walking into that classroom because the volunteers have so much passion and compassion for the children.  The room has a sense of calm and peace to it.

Our adult classroom has been a beautiful miracle to watch.  Years ago I used to think the adults should be mainstreamed into traditional adult classes and we would adapt to help them get the most they could out of a Sunday morning.  In some aspects I think this can be effective, but the family that has formed in this self-contained classroom is something beautiful.  

We have about 10 adults, ranging from 18 to 42 that meet every week.  They have a time of crafts, worship, Bible lesson, and prayer.  They all have so much respect and encouragement for each other.  I love to go in their classroom and listen to them share about their interests, friendships, jobs and love for God.  Their faith and relationships with people and God seem so pure to me, as God intended them.

Our class for older and more active children, King's Kids B, has caused us to think a little harder.  This class is made up of the kids we have watched grow from toddlers to teens.  Their interests and needs have changed so much over the last 15 years.  

For many years I hoped that one day we would find a miraculous curriculum that would have them spellbound and they would all be able to come to the table and interact for 15 minutes over the lesson.  I wanted to feel confident that they would hear and receive the gospel.  God keeps us trusting, however.  I love that as a Christian I am not responsible for someone's salvation, I am only responsible for sharing it.  I get to trust God and the Holy Spirit with the rest!

We are still searching for the best format for this classroom but have learned a few things along the way.  There is not a magic solution that works for every student in the classroom.  The range of needs is greater than the other two classrooms and ideally, it would be most effective if we could have a greater teacher to student ratio.  We have some amazing volunteers pouring their hearts and souls into the students and they have developed some very special bonds.  The teachers work individually with the students and mainstream them as much as possible with the rest of student ministry.

Recently Heidi, our volunteer in KKA started researching the use of the i-pad for King's Kids B. The church graciously provided three of them for the classroom and an occupational therapist, Marti Smith,  met with her to show her different ways to use it effectively.  It can be used for communication, worship, Bible lessons, Gospel presentations, and as an effective reward.  She shared that "Pinterest" is a great source for finding apps to use with the students.  The OT also suggested asking the congregation to consider donating their older i-pads as they purchase newer versions.

One of the many things I love about ministry is that you don't get bored.  Ministry is constantly evolving and changing as the students evolve and change, as well as culture and technology.  We are blessed to have staff, leadership, and volunteers that continually seek to be educated and innovative in communication, but pure and simple in their love.

If you have found curriculum, resources, and tools that have been effective, I would love for you to share in the comment section.  If you have any questions feel free to comment or e-mail sntraining@hcbc.com or theboggi@aim.com.

06-11-12

My first book for the summer, out of my mind, by Sharon Draper, was very moving.  It challenged my thinking and helped me realize how narrow-minded I can be.  As a good friend shared with me, "Not being able to speak is not the same as not having anything to say."   I truly need to work harder on finding ways to communicate, other than just the methods I rely on.

Yesterday I finished my second book for the summer, same kind of different As me, by Ron Hall and Denver Moore.  It is the story of a couple having marital struggles until they started serving in ministry together at a mission for the homeless.  The book shares the story of the incredible friendship that develops between the husband and a man that is homeless.  God revealed the friendship to the wife who continually prayed and watched as God did His thing in all of their lives.  Again, I saw how narrow-minded I can be.

Both of the books revealed God's grace to me.  First of all, the grace He has bestowed on me when there are so many things about people that I just presume to understand.  He helped me to walk in the shoes of a young girl that cannot walk or speak, as well as a man that is a modern-day slave and has the challenge of homelessness.  One thing I love about grace is whenever God reveals to me another way I need to learn about grace, He demonstrates another example of the grace He has given me.

Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms.

1 Peter 4:9-11

06-06-12

If you know me very well, you know that I love words.  I love them on fabric, I love them on notes, I love them on the wall, and I love them in books.  They have more power than most things in life.

I had a nice gift this week found in the book, out of my mind by Sharon Draper.  Enjoy...

Words.

I'm surrounded by thousands of worlds.  Maybe millions.

Cathedral.  Mayonnaise.  Pomegranate.

Mississippi.  Neapolitan.  Hippopotamus.

Silky.  Terrifying.  Iridescent.

Tickle.  Sneeze.  Wish.  Worry.

     Words have always swirled around me like snowflakes-

each one delicate and different, each one melting untouched

in my hands.

     Deep within me, words pile up in huge drifts.  Mountains of

phrases and sentences and connected ideas.  Clever expressions.

Jokes.  Love songs.

     From the time I was really little-maybe just a few months 

old-words were like sweet, liquid gifts, and I drank them like

lemonade.  I could almost taste them.  They made my jumbled

thoughts and feelings have substance.  My parents have always 

blanketed me with conversation.  They chattered and babbled.

They verbalized and vocalized.  My father sang to me.  My

mother whispered her strength into my ear.

     Every word my parents spoke to me or about me I absorbed

and kept and remembered.  All of them.

     I have no idea how I untangled the complicated process

of words and thought, but it happened quickly and naturally.

By the time I was two, all my memories had words and all my

words had meanings.

     But only in my head.

     I have never spoken one single word.  I am almost eleven

years old...