Confessions of a Caregiver

For someone that said they would never be a nurse,
        I have done a lot of things I never thought I would.

1.  I have pulled a child's tooth out (and it was not one of my own kids).
2.  I have been willing to give an enema (if I absolutely had to in order to
     save someone's life)
3.  I have helped more people pee than I ever thought I would.
4.  I have seen more nakedness that I ever wanted to.
5.  I have "caught" throw up more than I care to admit.
6.  I have cleaned up things I never thought I would.
7.  I have touched flesh and blood (after the infamous table saw incident)
8.  I have been with a loved one as they visited heaven.
9.  And I have been with two loved ones as they entered the gates of heaven.

As a caregiver that is probably, well, one typical resume.  When you let go and let God lead, you can do all kinds of things you never thought you would but the blessing is incredible.  I am so grateful.

Happy Special Siblings Day!

Tonight I have been thinking about a very special group of people that may often feel they are in the margins.  I am thinking about the siblings of children with special needs.  They often have their own set of struggles.  They may wonder why their brother or sister has a disability.  They may feel disappointed and as though their world was blown apart.  They may feel left in the margins as their parents are busy with doctor's appointments, therapy sessions, and education.  Just as the marriage may feel a strain, they may feel the strain on the family and struggle with a sense of control and loss.

As I shared with a momma tonight, they will also be amazing people.  I have been incredibly impressed with all of the siblings of the many children with special needs that have been in our lives. They are very compassionate and merciful people.  They are flexible and can handle the unexpected emergency.  They know how to love a person and look past their disabilities.  They know how to love, forgive, and support another person through the hard times.  They have an inner strength that so many of the rest of us do not.

If you have a child with a special needs I want to encourage you to take some time to thank your other children.  Thank them for all of the support they have given and for all of the sacrifices they have made.  Hallmark creates a lot of holidays.  Consider creating a special day when you spoil the siblings and thank them for the sacrifices they have made over the years.

Speak Life by Toby Mac

Speak Life

by Toby Mac

A wonderful friend just shared with me the song, "Speak Life," by Toby Mac.  She said special needs ministry reminds her of this song.  I agree.  It reminds me of ministry in general.  Do we intentionally speak life into those we love, those we serve, and those we minister to?

It is late and I should probably go to bed but I am sitting here thinking about the people that "speak life" to me.  Tim and Cindy Hawks, Beth Moore, Steffani Wilkins, my parents, my children, my grandchildren and my students, they all speak life to me.

Years ago, whenever I would go running or for a healthy walk, I would start off by listening to the theme from "Rocky."  I can't think of a better song to get you motivated.  Listening to "Speak Life" gets me energized for ministry, discipleship, training, and teaching in the classroom.  I thought I would share it with you.  I hope it energizes you as well.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=O13FIcPan8o

Grace Without Margins: Conclusion

CONCLUSION

"My hope is that, through sharing my heart with you, you have been moved.  Maybe there will be a child that will come through the door of your church this week and you will look at them differently.  Hopefully, you will not look at them with the fears of starting a new ministry, but with a heart of compassion that simply wants to embrace them and all that God has made them to be.  I promise you the journey will be amazing and you will be both changed and blessed!"

As a result of your small group discussions:

• What do you feel is the next step for your ministry in reaching out to all of the people that walk through your church doors?
• What simple accommodations can you make that will help people of all abilities feel welcome and comfortable?
• What can you do to help the culture of your church change in such a way that welcoming someone with a disability is part of the very fabric of your church?
• What aspect of growing in ministry makes you uncomfortable?  What is your next step?

Grace Without Margins: Chapter Twenty-Two

Moving Outward

I have been serving in ministry for a lot of years now.  I feel more comfortable saying I started serving in ministry 30+ years ago but in some ways it is even longer.  I first starting teaching a Sunday school class when I was 14 which is almost 40 years ago.  But you know what?  I feel like I am just getting started.  There is so much to learn and so much to get excited about.  The journey is for a lifetime.

When God blesses us with a ministry to serve in, it is the most rewarding when we hold on loosely.  God make take us on many twists and turns along the way and we don't want to miss any of it.  Sometimes the ministry may be at its peak when God calls us out to do something else or to take a next step.  Sometimes it may be at its lowest when God reveals a new plan.

What I have learned along the way is to keep my eyes on God for direction.  It is a daily walk of faith.  We never know what God wants to teach us along the way.  It is probably something we never suspected.  

So enjoy the ride.  Keep seeking God's direction on a daily basis.  Journal the lessons He shares with you and give thanks along the way.

• Where is God directing you in ministry right now?
• Are you willing to change course if God wants you to?
• What is your next step in ministry?
• Are you trusting God with it?

Grace Without Margins: Chapter Twenty-One

Moving Outward

I have been serving in ministry for a lot of years now.  I feel more comfortable saying I started serving in ministry 30+ years ago but in some ways it is even longer.  I first starting teaching a Sunday school class when I was 14 which is almost 40 years ago.  But you know what?  I feel like I am just getting started.  There is so much to learn and so much to get excited about.  The journey is for a lifetime.

When God blesses us with a ministry to serve in, it is the most rewarding when we hold on loosely.  God make take us on many twists and turns along the way and we don't want to miss any of it.  Sometimes the ministry may be at its peak when God calls us out to do something else or to take a next step.  Sometimes it may be at its lowest when God reveals a new plan.

What I have learned along the way is to keep my eyes on God for direction.  It is a daily walk of faith.  We never know what God wants to teach us along the way.  It is probably something we never suspected.  

So enjoy the ride.  Keep seeking God's direction on a daily basis.  Journal the lessons He shares with you and give thanks along the way.

• Where is God directing you in ministry right now?
• Are you willing to change course if God wants you to?
• What is your next step in ministry?
• Are you trusting God with it?

Grace Without Margins: Chapter Twenty

The Disappearing Ministry

One of the questions I continually think about is, "How do you get the culture of the church to change so much that your advocacy can fade into the background but the influence remains?"  Can we get to a place where an individual can walk through the doors of the church and they will be noticed long before their wheelchair or disability?  Can we get to a place where there is no longer a need for a special needs ministry because everyone in the church greets the person, helps them get connected, engages them in ministry, and can come up with accommodations as they are needed?

I have been fortunate to watch the evolution of civil rights from the sidelines.  We have such a long way to go, but we are so far from where we used to be.  My father was an advocate for civil rights and I know at times he was frustrated that some of the laws put in place to grant civil rights would get twisted and used inappropriately.  Often change requires a stage of exaggeration in order for a new normal to develop, however.

As time has marched on, do we notice the wider doorways to accommodate wheelchairs anymore?  Do we notice the lowered water fountains?  How about the Braille signage?  The ramps into buildings?  The large print?  They have become the norm now.

Could our society change in such a way that we no longer notice the wheelchair, the hearing aides, or the differences in appearances?  Or even better, we notice the accommodations but we do not make assumptions about a person because of them.

Grace Without Margins: Chapter Nineteen

Teaching Typical Children About 

Children With Special Needs

I will never forget the last time I went to the grocery store with my five-year-old grandson.  As most five-year-olds do, he was asking questions as we went around the store.  As a middle-aged man,  about his same height, starting walking towards him, I knew there would be questions in a matter of seconds.  I smiled and then in my head I counted, "1, 2, and 3."

"Meme, why is he so small?  Why didn't he grow?  Meme, will he get bigger?"  What I love most about kids is they don't have any walls, they just have questions.  My grandson wasn't uncomfortable, he didn't make any assumptions, he simply had questions.

One of my favorite things to do is answer children's questions.  Lol...now, some of the more sensitive or controversial questions I don't answer and I just smile and say, "That would be a great question to ask your parents over dinner tonight!"  The questions that can be resolved with information, however, I love to answer.  "Why can't she walk?"  Why can't he hear?"  When I explain the situation and answer the question, the child is fine and may even talk to the other child or start to play with them.  I love to tell them we all have things we cannot do and sometimes that is the best way for God to show His power.

• This Sunday, make an effort to answer a child's questions.  If you see a child staring at a child with a disability, go up and introduce them to each other.  Tell the child about some of the gifts and interests the child you are assisting has.
• This Sunday, let a child with a disability lead the prayer time or have a part in the Bible story.
• This Sunday, make accommodations in the classroom that no one else will notice, but will help the child with a disability feel more involved and connected with his/her classmates.

Grace Without Margins: Chapter Eighteen

Unexpected Mentors

In this chapter I share about two different mentors that had a huge impact on my life.  I have always told my children, always look for advice from someone further down the road than you are and listen to people that have had more life experience than you have.

I am amazed at how many mentors we can have in our lives if we just take the time to notice them.  They are all around us.  Sometimes we learn best from an elder, sometimes a child, sometimes a complete stranger.  

It's funny.  I have been teaching for the past ten years and I always thought of my student's parents as peers until one day, all of a sudden, I realized I was the same age as some of their parents.  They started calling me Mrs. Boggess and their children, who used to slip and call me "Mommy," were now slipping and calling me "Grandma!"  That seemed to happen overnight!  My point is...you are probably a mentor to someone else and don't even know it.  You are teaching others, not as far down the road as you are, on a daily basis.

So...

• Who are the mentors you have had in your life?
• What have you learned from them?
• Are you currently seeking counsel from them?
• Who are you learning from spiritually and in ministry?
• Is your ministry set up to encourage mentoring in regard to stage of life, stage of spiritual growth, and stage of serving in ministry?
• Who are you reaching behind for and pulling forward in life and ministry?  Are you looking for opportunities to help someone else in their journey?

"Remember those who led you

who spoke the word of God to you;

and considering the result of their conduct, 

imitate their faith."

Hebrews 13:7 (NASB)